Break up
by SakuranboKiss
Summary: Hikaru and Kaoru get into their first real fight because of Haruhi and it's really, I mean REALLY bad. Kaoru tries to get over his feelings for his brother, while Hikaru struggles to understand them.
1. Chapter 1: Confession

This story was previously posted by me by a different account under the name "Distance" and was deleted for some *cough* reasons. Well, here it is again, after being edited. I hope you enjoy it. Reviews are most appreciated.

**WARNING**: This story contains slash as well as incest. So if you don't like that kind of stuff, _**don't**_ read it.

* * *

Kaoru sat on the bed hugging his knees to his chest, thinking about Hikaru and his first kiss.  
They were fourteen at that time. It was during an evening when they were doing their homework in their bedroom when he suddenly asked, "Ne, Hikaru?"  
Hikaru lifted his head "Hmm?"  
"Have you ever….have you ever kissed anyone?"  
Hikaru raised his eyebrows. "Why?"  
"I just want to know…." Said Kaoru, blushing slightly.  
Hikaru shook his head. "No, I've never. I would've told you if I did."  
"Ah…."  
After a slight pause, Kaoru said, bringing his hand to his lips, "I wonder what it's like…"  
Hikaru closed the notebook where he was doing his math sums and looked at Kaoru. "Do you want to try it out?" Kaoru's eyes widened. "Try what?" "Kissing, of course." Said Hikaru with a chuckle.  
Kaoru turned a bright shade of red and couldn't say anything. "Well?" said Hikaru, drawing closer, so Kaoru could feel his warm breath on his face. He looked into Hikaru's eyes uncertainly, waiting for the moment when Hikaru would say he was joking and burst into a fit of laughter, but it never came…..He gulped a few times, then curtly nodded.  
When Hikaru drew closer, Kaoru's heart was beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest, and the moment their lips touched, Kaoru's mind went blank. It was as if everything else around him disappeared and there were only him and Hikaru.  
Hikaru's lips were so soft, so warm and oh, they were so sweet. Kaoru wanted more of that taste and that feel, but before he was satisfied, Hikaru pulled away and smiled. It was a very strange smile that Kaoru wasn't familiar with and he couldn't figure out what it meant. However, he didn't say anything. Neither of them said anything, and they resumed doing their homework.

Kaoru sighed and hugged his knees closer. It's been two years and he could still remember the warmth of Hikaru's lips on his….and he missed it. Ever since that kiss he thought about it often, even though neither of them ever mentioned it again. He was almost sure that it didn't mean anything at all to Hikaru. That he probably just did it for the heck of it, but to him that kiss meant so much.  
He loved Hikaru. He always had. Even though he knew that they were brothers, that it was wrong. He couldn't help it. He hated that he loved Hikaru and he hated the fact that he could never tell him even more. He had tried many times before to tell, but he couldn't. He was scared of what his brother's reaction would be.  
And so, the burden of his forbidden and unrequited love weighed down his chest and crushed his heart. He gave another sigh and closed his eyes, wishing that the ground would just crack open and swallow him up.  
"What's wrong Kao-ru!"  
Kaoru looked up. It was Hikaru. He was so busy being miserable that he didn't even hear the door open. Hikaru sat on the bed next to him. "What's with the long face?"  
Kaoru didn't reply.  
"Kaoru? Are you alrigh -!" Hikaru couldn't finish the sentence as Kaoru, unable to stand it anymore, threw his arms around his neck and kissed him.

It was really late when Hikaru found Kaoru curled on a couch, his hands covering his face. After suddenly kissing him, Kaoru had fled from their bedroom and he hadn't returned. Hikaru thought he'd wait for him, but it was already past midnight. So, he decided to go look for him. And there he was.  
He hesitated a bit, and then he gently touched Kaoru's shoulder with his hand. Kaoru looked up. "Kaoru," said Hikaru softly, "It's late. Come to bed."  
The look on Kaoru's face was heartbreaking. He was ashamed. So ashamed of himself and miserable. He couldn't even bear to look at Hikaru in the eye. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. So he just nodded and followed Hikaru to their bedroom.

* * *

Lunch break in school found Kaoru left out again, while his brother was animatedly talking with Haruhi. He watched them with a very weird feeling welling up inside of him. It was a mixture of hatred and jealousy, anger and disgust –disgust, but mostly pain.  
He felt so abandoned, so unwanted, so….heartbroken. He's always felt that way ever since Haruhi came into their lives. Sure at first he thought she was nice and it was pretty cool that she could tell them apart. But after sometime he could clearly tell that Hikaru liked her. Heck, he was obsessed with her!  
At school Hikaru would completely forget that Kaoru existed and would spend all his time with Haruhi. At home, he would talk about nothing but Haruhi. "Haruhi did this" and "Haruhi did that", "Haruhi said this" and Haruhi said that". It was driving Kaoru crazy.  
He fiddled with his food a bit, but found out he had no appetite. So he stood up and headed back to class with a final glance at Hikaru, who didn't seem to notice him.

At home after school Kaoru was lying down in bed, studying history. At lest, he was trying really hard to study. It was so hard to concentrate with Hikaru blabbering on and on about Haruhi. When at last he couldn't take it anymore, he snapped the book shut and chucked it at the bedside table. And at last, Hikaru shut up.  
"Kaoru, what's wrong?" he asked  
"Nothing." Spat Kaoru  
"Don't lie to me. You're angry." Said Hikaru  
"I'm not."  
"Yes you are. You're always like that whenever I talk about Haruhi -"  
_"Then stop talking about her!"_ cried Kaoru, turning towards Hikaru and glaring at him angrily. "I'm sick of it!"  
"And why are you so angry?" Hikaru cried back.  
"Why? _Why?_ Because I love you, that's why!"

The words just came out of Kaoru's mouth without thinking and it took him a second to register what he just said. Then he suddenly slapped his hand on his mouth. But it was too late. Hikaru heard him, and was looking at him with wide eyes. Then his expression softened, and he took Kaoru's hand in his. "Oh Kaoru," he said "I'm so sorry."  
Kaoru was silent. He just looked at Hikaru, not knowing what to do. Then he suddenly thought 'Ah. There it is. He's rejecting me.'

The moment Kaoru had been silently dreading for so long had finally come. It's not like he didn't know that it was the most likely thing to happen, yet...yet, it just hurt. Before he realised it, his tears started flowing. It wasn't really bad. Hikaru didn't seem to be angry or disgusted. He didn't yell at him. But somehow, he felt it would have been better if he did. It was because Hikaru was so gentle that he felt like crying.

"Kaoru, please" said Hikaru, hugging him warmly, "Please don't cry." But Kaoru just couldn't hold back the tears anymore. All the anger, all the pain and all the sickening emotions that he had bottled up all of this time, they were finally coming out. And he said in a shaky voice between sobs and gasps, "Hikaru…._Hikaru!_ I –I love you!.....I've always….always loved you…I just –I can't take it anymore! _Oh!...."_  
"Kaoru, please don't cry. I don't want you to cry because of me." Said Hikaru, gently stroking the back of Kaoru's neck. After a while, Kaoru's sobs subdued, and he shamefully wiped his eyes. He couldn't believe himself for doing this. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and looked at Hikaru. He didn't look angry, he didn't look impatient. He was just so gentle and kind. "I'm sorry Kaoru. I'm really sorry. Please forget about me, ok?"  
"I _can't!_ I've tried so hard Hikaru, I just can't." said Kaoru miserably. "You have to Kaoru," said Hikaru, brushing the hair off Kaoru's forehead, "Promise me you will. Maybe I don't love you that way, but I do love you very much. You're my brother, and my best friend, and I love you so much. So please try, ok? I don't want you to be sad because of me."  
Kaoru bit his lower lip and nodded. It was the hardest thing for him to do. He knew his feelings were wrong and that he would be so much better off if he just gave up on Hikaru, but it was just so hard to let go.

"Hikaru..." Kaoru said, a thought forming in his mind.  
"What?"  
"Hikaru….please….just for tonight…can you…" Kaoru couldn't believe what he was about to ask, but it was his only chance. For one last time he wanted to feel that warmth again and something even more. He raised his hand to Hikaru's lips, his cheeks all flushed. "Hikaru....please be mine for tonight. Hikaru raised his eyebrows, and Kaoru felt his face grow very hot. "Just for tonight! I promise I'll give up on you...just hold me now...."  
Hikaru looked away, frowning thoughtfully. He was silent for a long while, and Kaoru began to feel afraid. What if he said no? Heck! Why did he even ask? As if anyone normal would agree to do somehing this disturbing with their own brother. Kaoru decided then and there that he would laugh it off, pretend that it was a joke.  
He was about to when Hiakru sighed, looked at him, then said "I guess there's no helping it. Alright. Just promise me you'll really give up on me and try to be happy."

Kaoru couldn't believe his ears. Hikaru was...really going to do it. He didn't know what to say, but that didn't matter because, almost immediately, Hikaru leaned in and kissed him.  
It was short, and sweet. Soon Hikaru pulled away and looked into Kaoru's eyes, his hand cupping his cheek. Kaoru was almost trembling with excitement. He closed his eyes and connected their lips again. This time the kiss was longer, deeper. Kaoru felt Hikaru's tongue licking his lips, and he opened his mouth shyly and met it with his own, wrapping his arms around Hikaru's neck.

They went on for a while, their kisses growing more feverent and fierce. Kaoru could feel his pants getting tighter every moment. He broke their kiss and looked at Hikaru with half-lidded eyes, his face all flushed, his pink lips moist and parted, breathing heavily. "Hikaru..." he whispered, tugging at Hikaru's shirt "Take....your clothes off...."  
Hikaru stroked the hair off Kaoru's forehead and smiled at him. Then he complied by beginning to unbutton his shirt. He slid it off his shoulders in a swift movement, and then went on removing his pants. When he was down to his underwear only, he looked up at Kaoru, blushing. "Y-you too..." he said.  
Kaoru bit his lower lip and looked down, very embarrassed and began to undress till he too was in his underwear. Then he looked at Hikaru nervously. Hikaru was staring at him, his mouth slightly open with a strange look on his face. "Kaoru..." he said, "I-..." He put his arms around Kaoru's waist and kissed him as passionately as he did a while ago. Then he pushed Kaoru on to his back and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips.

He looked down at Kaoru as he lay there beneath him. He was looking at him, his eyelids barely open. His cheeks were red, and he was biting his lower lip, as he always did when he was nervous. Hikaru smiled. No matter what, he had to admit that Kaoru was cute. He trailed his hand down Kaoru's neck, and he caressed his collarbone. Then he leaned in and kissed it. He planted more and more kisses, all ove Kaoru's face, his neck, his chest. He held Kaoru, and let his hands wander, touching his soft skin. Kaoru lifted his arms; put them around Hikaru, holding him tightly.

They shared so many heated kisses, caressess. It was the most amazing feeling Kaoru have ever experienced. And when Hikaru entered him, he almost lost his mind. The sensation of being filled, and the pleasure through all the pain were too much. He felt as if his whole body was on fire. _"Hikaru! Hikaru! I –I–ahhh!" _Their gasps, pants and moans filled the room. But then, altogether too soon it was over. Hikaru pulled out of Karou, and they both lied on the bed next to each other, panting heavily.

After a while they got up and took a shower. It was about dinner time by then. They had their meal, then headed back to their bedroom as they were both pretty tired. As they lay in bed Kaoru put his arms around Hikaru and deeply inhaled his scent. "Hikaru..." he whispered. Kaoru didn't want to fall asleep. He wanted this night to go on forever, for Hikaru to always be his. But then Hikaru was stroking his hair so gently, and his eyelids began to grow heavy. Soon he drifted to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2:A fight, and a new aquaintance

Two weeks had passed since their night together, and Kaoru was trying his best to get over Hikaru. It was hard, of course, but not so bad. He finally had a huge burden lifted off his shoulders. He tried to occupy himself with studies, since he had been doing rather badly lately.

One day, after all the customers had left the music room, Tamaki and Haruhi said that they had an important announcement to make.  
"Haruhi and I are going out!"  
Tamaki looked really excited while saying it, and he drew Haruhi closer to him. There was a slight pause. "Ah well, it's about time anyway." Said Kyouya coolly. Honey and Mori started congratulating the two, and Kaoru said something of the sort, but he secretly looked at Hikaru from the cornre of his eyes.  
It was obvious he was hurt and disappointed. He quickly murmured something about not felling well and ran out of the room. At first Kaoru wanted to follow him, but on second thought, perhaps it was better to just leave him alone for a while. What was he going to say to him, anyway? To be quite honest with himself, he wasn't feeling that bad for Hikaru.  
The drive back home was a very long and awkward one. Both Hikaru and Kaoru were sitting in utter silence: Hikaru because he didn't want to speak, and Kaoru because he couldn't find anything appropriate to say. Anyhow, when they reached home, Hikaru spent the whole time staring out of the window with a blank expression on his face.

A few days after Tamaki broke the news, Hikaru has pretty much returned to his normal self, except for a strange obsession with reading tragic romance books. Kaoru figured it was his way of dealing with his heartbreak.  
And so one evening, Hikaru and Kaoru were sitting in their bedroom, Kaoru studying while Hikaru was reading a book called "Tears of despair". He was very absorbed by the book, which Kaoru found very amusing. He kept lifting his eyes from his physics book and watched Hikaru as he eagerly kept turning the pages.

_"Oww!"_ exclaimed Hikaru "I've got a paper cut."

He held out his index finger to Kaoru, pouting like a little brat."Let me see" said Kaoru, taking hold of Hikaru's hand. He had a small cut which was bleeding slightly. Kaoru brought his lips to it and licked it. In fact he was so busy with doing it that he didn't notice the way Hikaru was looking at him. It was the same look he wore that night, before he and Kaoru made love. A sort of dazed look. Hikaru pulled his finger out of Kaoru's mouth and kissed him.

Kaoru was surprised. He didn't know how to react. He opened his mouth to say something, but Hikaru took the chance and slid his tongue in _"Mnnm!"_

Hikaru's arms wound around him, holding him tightly. It was...it was so good. But then a tiny voice in the back of Kaoru's head asked 'Why the hell is he kissing me?'and then the tiny voice grew louder, and Kaoru forcefully pushed Hikaru away. Hikaru tried to kiss him again, but Kaoru pushed him again and yelled, "You idiot, what is your _problem_?"

Hikaru looked confused. "Isn't this what you want?"

Kaoru scowled "I don't want to be a substitute for Haruhi!"

There. That was it. It wasn't like Hikaru loved him. He was just using him.

Hikaru didn't know what to say "What is wrong with you?" Kaoru continued, "Weren't you the one who told me to give up on you?  
"Yes but-"  
"But now that your precious Haruhi is taken, you can just come back to me and I'll gladly have you!"  
"No! It's not like that!"  
_"Then what?"_ Kaoru was so angry and hurt that he could feel the tears welling in his eyes. But no, he held them back. He wasn't going to cry like a baby in front of Hikaru.  
"You always knew how I felt about you, didn't you? Now I get it. That wierd smile you gave me. What was it, pity? Is that why you...that night, you...." but Kaoru couldn't say it. "And yet, you left me all on my own all of those times, even though you knew! You were always so busy with Haruhi. Because she is so cute and wonderful, right?"

"Kaoru, no! I really didn't mean-"

"_Shut up!_ Just _shut up!_ Do you have any idea how much that hurt? You idiot!" –and with that Kaoru stormed out of the room. He heard Hikaru calling after him, but he didn't care. He just wanted to get away.

He ran and ran, so fast, he didn't even know where he was going. The tears that he fought back a while ago were flowing, nearly blinding him. He suddenly stopped, breathing heavily. He found himself near a bathroom. He opened the door, rushed in, then slammed it shut, locking it. Then he slumped to the floor and cried a while.

After he was done, he wiped his eyes and just sat there in silence for what seemed to be hours.

Kaoru slowly opened his eyes. It was morning. He must have fell asleep last night. He got up and stretched himself, which was a painful thing since he was badly cramped. He washed his face and went out of the bathroom. The first thing his eyes fell on was Hikaru. He was fast asleep on the floor, his back to the wall. He must have followed him and waited for him to come out. Despite everything, Kaoru felt a little guilty. Then Hikaru stirred awake, and his eyes met his. All the guilt flew out the window.  
"Kaoru!" Hikaru said, standing up "Kaoru, I'm really sorry."

"So you admit that you were using me."

"No! Look, I really didn't mean to –Kaoru wait!" Kaoru wasn't listening to him. He pretended that he couldn't hear him and walked away.

Kaoru didn't care how sorry Hikaru was. He'd hurt him really bad this time, and Kaoru was going to make him pay.

~~*~~

Everybody was silenced and sat in their places as the homeroom teacher entered the class. "Good morning every one." She said, and the class stood up to greet her (Do those rich brats really do that?)

"Now, I'd like you to meet a new transfer student." And she beckoned for someone outside the classroom to come in.  
On him entering, all the girls started murmuring as that "someone" happened to be a tall and handsome boy, with dark spiky hair and dazzling grey eyes. His expression, though, was very bored. I mean, _very_ bored. If you could die of boredom, he would have dropped dead that moment.

The teacher asked him to introduce himself, so he looked around and said in the most unimaginably uninterested voice: "Umn...Yo. I'm Kaze…. Sakurada Kaze. Glad to meet you."

The girls began squirming in their seats. His extremely good looks, his rebellious attitude and his bad boy aura totally had them captivated. Every other boy had a who-the-hell-does-he-think-he-bloody-is? kind of look. Anyhow, the teacher asked him to sit down, and pointed to an empty desk which happened to be right behind Kaoru. For the first time, Kaze's eyes fell on Kaoru, and his expression changed completely. Kaoru, who hasn't been paying much attention to what was going on, was sitting with his elbow on the table and his chin resting on his hand. Then he noticed the new boy standing next to him. He looked up, and their eyes met for a moment. Then Kaze turned his head and seated himself behind Kaoru.

* * *

"Kaoru, please talk to me." Pleaded Hikaru. It must have been the millionth time in the last week. Kaoru had put on a pretence of neither seeing or hearing him. Suddenly the bell rang, announcing recess. Kaoru stood up and walked out of the class. Hikaru kept following him and calling out his name. "Kaoru –wait! Please. I know you can hear me!" Suddenly Kaoru came to a halt. He turned around slowly, and gave Hikaru such a dirty look that it scared him. "K –Kaoru…don't look at me like that…." Then Kaoru turned around and walked away. But this time, Hikaru didn't follow him.

Kaoru walked in an empty corridor with his hands in his pocket. A week. A whole week without speaking to Hikaru. That was the longest time so far. Usually, when they had little fights every now and then, they would stay cross at each other for a few hours, then they wouldn't be able to stand it and they'll become friends again. But it was different this time. He wasn't ready to forgive him. Not just yet.  
Then he saw the new boy, standing by an open window and looking outside. As he drew closer, Kaze looked up and smiled at him "Ah, Kaoru."

Kaoru wasn't in a particularly good mood, so he frowned slightly and said "You are wrong. I'm Hikaru"  
Kaze looked a bit puzzled. "N-no, you're Kaoru."  
"I just told you I'm Hikaru." said Kaoru impatiently.

"Well," said Kaze, smiling again "I'm a hundred percent sure you are Kaoru. It's really easy to tell you apart, you know."  
"I –er, _how_?" said Kaoru, suddenly interested.  
Kaze seemed to be glad that he finally got Kaoru's attention. "Well, for starters, you give completely different auras. And then, I can tell by your voice too. And also…"  
Kaoru was listening to Kaze with disbelief. It's hardly been a week, and yet, he could so easily distinguish between Hikaru and him so easily. And what's more, he had barely ever spoken to him. Mostly due to the fact that he was always surrounded by squealing girls asking him all sorts of ridiculous questions like _"Are you single?"_ and _"Are you looking for a girlfriend?"_ over and over again.  
"And also?" said Kaoru, wanting to hear the rest. "And also…" continued Kaze "you're somewhat…cuter."

There was slight pause. Then Kaoru broke out laughing, "Are you serious?! You're _so_ weird!" Kaze watched him as if he'd never seen anything so lovely. When Kaoru's laughs finally subdued, he looked at Kaze and said "You know, you seem very different from what I expected you to be."  
"In a good or bad way?"  
"In a good way. The first impression I had of was that you were -um....snooty. Really snooty, and full of attitude. But now you seem really nice."  
Kaze smiled, "Well, the thing is…I'm not exactly a very social type of person. When I entered the class the first time, I was actually really nervous."  
"You were?" asked an astonished Kaoru  
"Yes. Very. But I try to cover it up by acting cool and calm. I guess it works, huh?" said Kaze.

It really did.

"But how come you're talking to me so freely then?" asked Kaoru  
"I –I don't really know…." Said Kaze slowly, "It's really easy to talk to you…..and…I just feel different about you."  
When Kaze said those words, he looked at Kaoru in such a way that, for a moment….it made his stomach all weird. But then it passed, and Kaoru smiled at Kaze because he felt it was easy to talk to him too now. "Anyway," he said "How do you like it here?"  
Kaze shrugged. "It's alright I suppose. I'm not yet really used to it. But, I'm glad that I have a friend now. I mean –we are friends, _right_?" Kaze looked somewhat worried.

Kaoru nodded. "Yes, Sakurada-san. I guess we are."  
"Please, call me Kaze."  
Kaoru smiled. "Alright then, Kaze!"


	3. Chapter 3: Jealousy

Kaoru found out that his newly formed friendship with Kaze made him forget about all his troubles with Hikaru for a while. Kaze was so much fun and he always made Kaoru laugh. Kaoru enjoyed talking to him, even when the subject of their conversation was something really ridiculous.  
He opened up to him, like he'd never with anyone before. It was the first real friendship he'd had besides Hikaru (which was a pretty messed up one, since he actually had feelings for the guy) Kaoru felt like he truly knew him.

Time passed so quickly when he was with Kaze. Before he knew it, it was already a month. A whole month and he barely thought about Hikaru. Atleast, not in school.

One weekend he was getting ready for going out with Kaze. Hikaru watched him for a while then asked, "Where are you going?"  
"That's none of your business." snapped Kaoru, storming out of the room. In the last month, he had shifted from ignoring Hikaru completely, to giving him angry and snappish replies. They seemed to have a better effect. Once he told Hikaru that he hated him, and when he saw how much it stung him, it gave him a twisted sort of pleasure.

There was a part of him though, that felt guilty, and urged him to make up with Hikaru already. But the other part of him just kicked that small part in the mouth.

When he got off the car that drove him to the amusement park where he was meeting Kaze, he saw Kaze standing at the gates, waving to him. "I'm sorry I'm late!" he apologized immediately. Kaze shook his head "It's alright. I just got here myself….The weather's nice today, isn't it? Let's go." And Kaze took hold of Kaoru's hand and started walking.

"So where do you want to go first?" Kaze asked.

"Um....I don't know. Where do you want-"

"Oh, _oh_! Let's ride _that_ one!" Kaze squealed, pointing to a HUGE rollercoaster, which was moving so fast, with the people in it screaming.

"Okay"

"If you get scared you can hold my hand," Kaze said when they got into their seats," And try not to pee in your pants."

Kaoru laughed, "Aw, thank you. It means a lot."

The rollercoaster suddenly started moving at an incredible speed. It was going up, up, up the track and then it went dooooown~ _"Aaaaaah! **AAAAAAAAHHHH!"**_

It was the loudest, craziest scream Kaoru had ever heard. It took him a moment to realize that it came from Kaze. His eyes were shut, his mouth as wide as a garage. All throught the ride he kept screaming, first going high pitch, then low, then a series of ultra-sonic shrieks. Yes, ultra-sonic. When they got off the ride, Kaoru did nearly pee in his pants. Because he was laughing so hard, he could barely keep standing. But he didn't want to hurt Kaze's feelings, so he tried to hide it.

"Haha --*cough, cough* Are you sure you're alright? ha--*cough*"  
"Yeah…just a little dizzy. Let's ride something else." said Kaze, looking like he was going to be sick. Kaoru gave him an encouraging pat on the back.

Though nothing as eventful as the rollercoaster ride happened again through the course of the day, Kaoru had so much fun. They went on all sorts of rides, took pictures, goofed around, and ate lots of junk food.

"So," said Kaze, taking a bite from his gigantic cotton candy, "Are you enjoying yourself?"  
"Yes, very much." Kaoru said, and then he added, laughing "I'll never forget the way you screamed!"  
"I didn't know it would be that scary!" cried Kaze, defending himself, "You were supposed to hold my hand."  
"Excuse me? Aren't you the one who offered to hold _my_ hand if _I_ got scared?"

"Well yes, that's why you were supposed to do likewise to me." explained Kaze, pouting.

Kaoru laughed at him, and Kaze said, "Meanie!" which only made Kaoru laugh more.

The sun was beginning to set, when Kaoru and Kaze took their last ride, the ferret wheel. The city looked really beautiful from such a height. The lights were glittering like tiny stars, as Kaoru watched them from the window. He gave a content sight, and took a little lick from the chocolate ice-cream in his hand. Kaze, who was sitting next to him smiled and ran his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "Today was a lot of fun, wasn't it?" he said "It was like we were on a date."  
Kaoru blushed."D-don't say such weird things."  
"Would it be weird, if I told you that I like you?" and Kaze drew closer and cupped Kaoru's cheek.  
"Wh –what are you talking about?" stuttered Kaoru, getting really nervous.  
"But that's how I really feel about you." and with that, Kaze closed the little distance between them and kissed Kaoru.

Kaoru didn't know what to do. His heart was beating really fast. Just like it did with Hikaru. "I love you…" whispered Kaze, and he kissed Kaoru again.

"Mmn…Kaze…you shouldn't…" Kaoru moaned. But then, he made no effort whatsoever to stop him.  
He didn't know how long he sat there kissing Kaze. It must have been a while, because he felt the ice-cream trickling down his hand. "Kaze…the ice-cream is melting…" he said. Kaze brought Kaoru's hand that was holding the ice-cream to his mouth and slowly licked the trail of molten ice-cream, never taking his eyes off Kaoru's.  
"Kaoru…" he whispered softly, caressing Kaoru's cheek.  
_"Kaoru…"_ and he lightly ran his thumb over Kaoru's lips.  
_"Kaoru…"_ and he gently kissed him.  
Kaoru slowly wrapped his arm around Kaze's neck and fluttered his eyes shut. His brain had long stopped trying to comprehed why he was making out with his friend, and he simply longled to enjoy the session. At that moment, he felt as if the very flow of time had stopped…..he thought that he wanted to stay there forever, sharing sweet chocolate-flavored kisses with Kaze.  
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Hikaru was lying on his stomach, flipping the pages of one of his tragic novels. After a while he got tired and chucked it aside. All these books weren't making him feel any better. As a matter of fact, they were making him even more depressed than he already was. He sighed a very long sigh, and turned to lie on his back. His thoughts began to roam; he found himself thinking about Kaoru. He turned his head and looked at the clock on his bedside table. It was late. How long was Kaoru going to stay out with that blasted boy? And where were they gone, anyway?  
He didn't know why, but every time he saw Kaoru with Kaze, he had this weird feeling in his stomach. He hated that new boy. Even though he'd never spoken to him before, even though he didn't know him, he hated him with an unreasonable passion. Why? What was that feeling? It was quite new to him. He shook his head and closed his eyes. _"Stop it!"_ he ordered himself. "Stop it…."  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kaoru returned home feeling a little dazed. When he entered his bedroom he found Hikaru lying on the bed fast asleep. He quietly sat on the bed and watched him. He looked so peaceful and innocent that Kaoru couldn't help but feel a bit guilty. Maybe he had been too hard on him. After all, it's not like Hikaru had meant to hurt him.  
Then a thought struck him like a lightening bolt: There he was, acting like he was so mad and heart-broken, and yet he had been making out with Kaze just a while ago. What was up with that?  
Kaoru felt terrible. He felt that, in a way, he was betraying Hikaru…. But wait. He couldn't stay moping over Hikaru forever, right? He had to move on. And Kaze was a really nice person. So…so there was nothing wrong with what he was doing. But though he tried to convince himself that, Kaoru couldn't shake of that heavy feeling in his chest.

Hikaru began to stirr awake. He opened his eyes and looked at Kaoru. "Mmn..What time is it?" he mumbled. "Um...six thirty."

"Oh." Hikaru sat up and rubbed his eyes. The he got up and said, "I'm taking a shower."

The next day Hikaru wandered the empty corridors in school aimlessly. He had no idea what he was doing or where he was going. His head was buzzing with thoughts. Thoughts about Haruhi, about Kaze, about…Kaoru. He had been having many of those lately. Moreover, Kaoru had been avoiding him all morning. He didn't speak or look at him, didn't stare daggers at him, letting him know he was angry. Was he giving him the silent treatment again? Once, though, when their eyes accidentally met, Kaoru gave him such a look. He had no idea how to interpret it. It wasn't anger, or hatred. Just pure hurt. Maybe if he spoke to him, he'd forgive him and talk to him again. Or maybe he was just couldn't bear to look at him anymore.

Hikaru frowned. It hurt him to see Kaoru hurting, and it hurt him even more knowing that he was the reason. It was a few years back when he first knew Kaoru had feelings for him. They were thirteen. He secretly took a look into Kaoru's diary while Kaoru was asleep. He knew it was a jolly rotten thing to do, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him. He just had to know what it was Kaoru was writing that he couldn't show to him. So many times, he'd scribble away at the book, looking all secretive and self-important. It was killing him. Every cell in his brain was screaming at him to just take a _damn_ look!

What he read had shocked him. He didn't know what to even think. Was that even possible, to love your own brother? "_Okay,"_ he told himself, (not outloud, of course, since Kaoru was sleeping) _"This is no big deal -**OF COURSE IT'S A BIG DEAL!** --No! No....calm down. Kaoru loves me, so? Wait, what if he doesn't? Maybe this whole thing is a prank. Maybe he wants me to read this, so that he could mess with my mind! Maybe--**Aaaarrgghh!** I shouldn't have read this. Now it's going to eat me up for the rest of my life!"_

Hikaru was breathing heavily by then. "Relax. Relax.....what now?...Well, I've already seen it, so it wouldn't hurt to read some more, right?"

He opened the book again and read the latest entry that Kaoru had written that night. It read:

_Dear diary,_

_Hikaru had been trying to sneak up on me to see what I'm writing in you for the last few days. But I won't let him, of course! So many times I keep wondering what he'd do if he did find out. Would he be disgusted by me? I'm so scared...But I don't want to think of that now_

_Today Hikaru kissed my cheek! Ah, I was so happy, but I tried to hide it. You see, we were playing outside, and I tripped. I fell flat on my face and hurt my knee. He found it extremly amusing. That jerk! I was so mad at him for laughing at me that I stormed away. After half an hour later, he came to me apologizing. I had already forgiven him, but I pretended like I was still mad. So he kissed me and begged me to forgive him._

_I can still feel my cheek tingling on the spot where he kissed me. Oh, his lips are so warm! Ha-ha, I'm going crazy. He's in the room right now, eyeing me like a tiger. So, that's it for now. Good night._

_-Kaoru_

Hikaru couldn't help but smile at how happy that small gesture made Kaoru. He knew he could never bring himself to talk about that subject to Kaoru, but ever since then, he tried to do little things to make Kaoru happy. He'd hold his hand, or stroke his hair or smile at him gently. And every time he saw the blush creep to Kaoru's cheeks, he felt a little happy. That day when he kissed Kaoru for the first time, he knew he shouldn't have, but he did it anyway. He did it to make Kaoru happy.  
He loved it when Kaoru was happy. He loved seeing him smile. But now, Kaoru never smiled whenever he was around. He only smiled when he was with that _dratted_ Kaze boy. Just the thought of it made his blood simmer. It made that weird feeling come back again….

He need to calm down. There was an unused toilet just at the end of the corridor, and he thought he'd go there and wash his face.  
When he reached there, the door stood ajar, and he could hear sounds from inside. Somebody was in there. He slowly pushed the door wider and looked inside. The sight that he saw made his jaw drop and his eyes nearly pop out of his head! There, _right there_, pressed against the wall was none other than Kaoru, kissing Kaze as if his life _depended_ on it. His hands were holding both sides of Kaze's head, and his fingers were entwined in Kaze's dark hair.  
Hikaru couldn't believe his eyes. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe it wasn't them. Just two boys who looked exactly like Kaoru and Kaze. Yes, that was it --oh, who was he kidding?He closed his eyes to shut out the horrible sight, but he could still hear the sounds they were making. They were both moaning and panting and making wet kissing sounds. He felt so......so _angry_. He felt like rushing in there and tearing that boy off his Kaoru… _his Kaoru_…..

At that moment, Hikaru began to realize just what that weird feeling he was having was, and why he hated Kaze so much. It was because…because he was possibly, _just possibly_, a bit…jealous….


	4. Chapter 4: An interesting development

Hikaru woke up in the morning in a very bad mood. After eating breakfast and getting ready, he got into the car that was driving him and Kaoru to school. He sat in silence and stared out of the window with a terrible frown on his face. Kaoru looked at him every now and then and wondered what was wrong. Never had he seen Hikaru in such a terrible mood. He was about to ask him what was wrong when he remembered that he wasn't talking to him.  
'Wait a minute. Is that what this is all about? Is he so angry because I'm not talking to him?' Kaoru wondered, 'But it can't be. Even if he is angry at me, he wouldn't be this angry. Maybe something's happened to him. He was acting like this since yesterday. Why?...Could it be?....Could it be that he saw me and Kaze?'

The colour drained off Kaoru's face at that thought, and his heart beat really fast. No. _No, no, no, no, no, no, no!_ It can't be! He'd rather die than have Hikaru see that. It was completely unintentional. He was just walking peacefully in the corridor, minding his own business when Kaze pulled him to the toilet, pinned him to the wall and smashed his lips on his. He tried to push him away, he really did, but, somehow, his body just failed to do what his mind was telling him. Instead, his hands pulled Kaze closer, and he kissed him like the whole world would end if he stopped.  
So it really wasn't his fault. Kaoru decided then and there that when he got to school, he was going to march straight up to Kaze, tell him that that kiss meant nothing at all and that he was a good friend only. Yes. That was exactly what he was going to do.

* * *

Kaoru had no idea, though, how he ended up in this kind of situation again. It all started when he told Kaze that he wanted to speak to him alone, so the two of them walked into an empty classroom. The next thing Kaoru knew, he was pressed tightly against the door with Kaze's lips on his. "Mmmm!" he exclaimed in protest, but soon he was washed over with this weird sensation he got every time Kaze kissed him. His stomach was all fluttery and his heart was throbbing. He let out a little sigh and fluttered his eyelids shut.  
It was always like that when Kaze kissed him. His mind would scream at him to push Kaze away, but his body just wouldn't obey. And after a while, he'd completely stop thinking and just melt into the kiss. Well, this time wasn't any different. Kaoru tilted his head and put his arms around Kaze, pulling him closer. Soon he could feel Kaze's wet, hot tongue licking his lower lip, seeking to deepen the kiss. Without any ado, Kaoru parted his lips and met it with his own.

They went on for a considerable amount of time, kissing passionately, only pausing for gasping breaths. Kaze's arms which were wrapped around Kaoru's waist began to slowly un-wrap and his hands began to roam downwards, finally settling on Kaoru's hips. He began to trace fiery kisses all over Kaoru's neck, trailing his tongue over it and gently sucking. Kaoru, who couldn't bear any longer, let out a long, loud moan, "Mmn! K-_Kaze!....ah!_"  
His fingers clenched Kaze's collar. This was just too much. He could feel his blood rushing to a certain area, and his hips and Kaze's were so dangerously close. He had to stop now, he just had to. With all the force that he could muster, he pushed Kaze off him. At that exact moment, the school bell rang, announcing the end of lunch break.

Kaoru couldn't believe his luck, because right now, he just had no idea what he was supposed to say to Kaze. All the things he had in his mind just flew out of his ears. He had planned that when they'd enter the class, he'd calmly explain to him that what had happened before was a mistake, that he really liked him, but as a friend only. However, the kiss sort of interfered with his plan. How could he possibly tell him that after just making out with him? It would be a lot safer to just go back home after school and think up another plan. In the mean while, he'll just try to avoid Kaze the rest of the day. So, after all of that thinking done in a very short amount of time, Kaoru turned around and was about to exit the class after mumbling something about having to get back to class, when Kaze held his wrist.

"Kaoru," he said, "wait."  
"W-what is it?" asked Kaoru, wishing so badly to be out of this place.  
"Well, um…how do I put this…I –I…"  
"Look, can you tell me this later?" said Kaoru rather impatiently.  
"I…_I love you!"_ said Kaze, and his face turned a pretty shade of pink, "I've already told you, but….you never really told me how….how you really feel about me."  
It was Kaoru's turn to blush now, and he blushed madly. He certainly did not expect that, and he didn't know what to say, "Kaze…I don't know…."  
Kaze touched Kaoru's cheek with his hand and caressed it. "I know you do. Please, Kaoru. Just tell me honestly….when I'm with you, what do I make you feel?" Kaoru looked up into Kaze's gorgeous grey eyes, and he bit his lower lip.  
"The truth is….Kaze…..when I'm with you, I feel…. happy. You always make me smile because you're so honest and warm and….nice."  
"Is that it?" said Kaze, and Kaoru didn't know why, but he felt so impelled to just confess everything to him. The intensity of Kaze's warm, gentle gaze just overwhelmed him.  
"Sometimes," Kaoru continued, "when you look at me….when you're really close…I –I…my heart skips and, when you…kiss me….I just….I just…" Kaoru was so flustered at this point that he couldn't look Kaze in the eye. His face felt really hot and he could scarcely breathe. "I don't even know why… I'm so confused…Kaze…"  
Deep down inside, Kaoru did know why. He knew that he liked Kaze, but he still tried to deny it. He thought about Hikaru, and he felt so guilty, so terrible. But then, remembering just how much Hikaru had hurt him, he frowned in determination. "Kaze," he said "I…like you."

The impact these words had on Kaze was amazing. He sighed in relief, and smiled so beautifully. "Oh Kaoru!" he said, "Oh, I'm so happy!" and he touched his forehead to Kaoru's and contently closed his eyes, his hands cupping both of Kaoru's cheeks. Kaoru couldn't help but smile too. Admitting the truth wasn't so bad. And Kaze was really nice and wonderful. Maybe if he went out with Kaze, he'd eventually fall in love with him. Then he'd finally be free of Hikaru, and of all the pain his hopeless love had caused him.  
"Oh, Kaze," he sighed and closed his eyes, running his fingers slowly through Kaze's soft hair.

* * *

Hikaru wasn't paying attention to what the teacher was saying. He was blankly staring at the empty seat that belonged to Kaoru. The class had already started five minutes ago and he still didn't come, which was really suspicious since Kaze's seat was empty as well and they were the only two missing in the class. 'They're probably making out again somewhere.' Hikaru thought angrily 'Shameless people!'

"Hikaru-san. Hikaru-san. _Hikaru-san!"_ the teacher yelled at the distracted Hikaru. Suddenly aware of what was happening, Hikaru jumped out of his seat, "Hai!"  
The teacher looked at him with clear irritation. " I asked you what the value of x was."  
"Oh," Hikaru looked at his notebook, and then at the blackboard.

'Damn!' he thought. He hadn't payed any attention to what the teacher was explaining and he didn't write down the equation in his notebook. He wrecked his brain trying to quickly calculate the answer. And just when he was about to give up and frankly say the truth, the classroom door openened.

And who else would it be other than the very two who had got him into this pinch in the first place? Kaoru, and the damned boy Kaze. Fortunately for him though, they were a good enough distraction for the maths teacher. As soon as she turned to them inquiering why they were so late, he turned to Haruhi and whispered to her with pleading eyes, "Haruhi. Ne, Haruhi. Please tell me the answer."  
Haruhi shook her head.  
"Please! I'm begging you. Pretty please?" and he put on his most pathetic and pleading look ever. Haruhi sighed and shrugged. "Fine. It's 30."  
"Thankyou!" he said, with stars in his eyes. He got the answer in the right time, just before the teacher looked at him again after (and he inwardly laughed for it) scolding both Kaoru and Kaze. "Well?" she said.  
Hikaru smiled, "x is equal to 30," he said with such pride as if he himself had solved the problem.  
"Correct." said the teacher, and asked him to seat did so and tried as much as he could to concentrate for the rest of the class.

Later that night, past midnight, Hikaru yawned and rubbed his tired eyes. He had been watching TV the whole time after finishing his homework. It was because, he simply wanted to avoid Kaoru to the maximum. Everytime he looked at Kaoru, images would come to his mind of him kissing Kaze the previous day. And everytime that happened, he would get angry and his insides would burn with jealousy. The best thing for him to do was to just keep himself as busy as possible. He even thought about moving out of their bedroom, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. If he moved out, he would be admitting defeat. And he was not going to lose. Not to that little brat and his lame boyfriend. Hikaru stood with determination and marched to the bedroom, emphasizing on every footstep, one thought echoing in his mind. 'I am definitly not going to lose!'

He entered the bedroom and began to change in the dark. Then he lied on the bed and slithered under the covers. His movements caused Kaoru to stirr in his sleep. "Mnn.." he muttered, then was still again. Hikaru too was still as he began to watch Kaoru sleep. No matter how many times he did it, and no matter for how long, watching Kaoru sleep was something Hikaru could never get bored of. Forgetting how angry, how jealous and frustrated he had been for a while, Hikaru smiled softly, and looked at Kaoru with gentle eyes. Such gentle eyes that, had Kaoru been awake, he would have blushed madly.

Hikaru marvelled at how anyone coulld possibly be so _cute_. When Kaoru slept, his face looked ever so peaceful. His mouth would be open, just slightly, and he would make the most adorable sound. It wasn't snoring. No. It was more like, soft purring. Like a little sleeping kitty. He occationaly spoke in his sleep too. But only a few, almost always incoherent words.

Hikaru gently stroked the hair off Kaoru's forehead, and tucked a few stray strands behind his ear. Kaoru's hair was so soft, and Hikaru loved the feel of it on his fingertips. He simply couldn't resist the urge to run his fingers throught it, sofly, stroking it and twirling it's ends. He then trailed his fingers to Kaoru's cheek. With the back of his hand, he gently stroked the pale, soft skin, carefull so as not to wake Kaoru up. Then he brought his fingertips to Kaoru's lips. Those lucious pink lips. He absolutely hated to think that Kaze had ever tasted them. They were his.

Hikaru paused. _His?_ That just sounded really wrong didn't it? The fact that he hated Kaze so much and that he was jealous of him meant only one thing. That he wanted to be in his place. That he wanted Kaoru to simle at him the way he didn't anymore, and that he wanted to kiss Kaoru. Which, naturally meant that he had feelings for Kaoru. Hikaru shook his head. No. _Absoutely not!_ He loved Kaoru, of course, but only in a **_brotherly_** way.

Yes. That was why was mad at Kaze. Because he was just being protective. Afterall, Kaoru was his younger brother. He ought to feel that way. And he was jealous of Kaze, not because he wanted to kiss Kaoru. It was because...because Kaoru wasn't talking to him, and yet he was being all smiley and kissy-kissy with Kaze! Any normal brother would be jealous, right?

Hikaru almost managed to convince himself that. But there was one thing that didn't make any sense. Why, if his feelings were completly pure and brotherly towards Kaoru, did he have this pressing urge to kiss him, right there, while he was sleeping? Why wasn't this urge going away? Why was it presisting, and growing stronger by the second? Hikaru frowned. And after hesitating for a long time, he finally leaned in, very slowly, and pressed his lips to Kaoru's. He didn't press them too hard, for if he did he was afraid he would wake Kaoru. But then, he didn't press them too lightly either.

He carefully brought his hand to Kaoru's cheek, and tilted his head at an angle, giving him better access. Then he sighed and closed his eyes. He lingered on Kaoru's lips, brushing them with his own and pressing gentle kisses to them. And then he stopped. He lifted his head a bit, but not alot, so their lips were almost touching, and he slowly opened his eyes. He looked at Kaouru's face. His beautiful, angelic, sleeping face.

At that moment, Hikaru's thoughts were confused, scattered and unclear. And with all his might, he could not bring himself to beleive what he almost convinced himself a while ago. So he admitted to himself that maybe, just maybe he did have some felling towards Kaoru that were deeper than brotherhood. But then looking at Kaoru: at his hair, splayed on the pillow, at his peacefully closed eyes and thoses gorgeous eyelashes he had, he mentally scratched that "maybe" off.

Hikaru's heart was pounding in his chest. So hard and fast that he felt it might wake Kaoru. He blushed deeply in the dark, and closed his eyes again. He could feel Kaoru's warm breath that escaped from his slightly parted lips on his, and he pressesd a final kiss to them. Then he lied on his back, brought the covers upto his face and tried to fall asleep, which was a thing that took him a very long while.


	5. Chapter 5: Realisation

Kaoru woke up in the morning feeling pretty light. He had had a wonderful dream last night, only he'd forgotten most of it as soon as he woke up. The only things he could remember were the softness of Hikaru's voice, and his caresses. The Hikaru in his dreams was everything he'd ever wanted. He was so kind, so sweet, so...loving. Unlike the real one, who was hurting him so much. The one who had apparently woken up before him, because the bed was empty.

Kaoru was glad. It hurt too much when Hikaru was around. And the worst part was that despite everything, he couldn't help feel guilty whenever he looked at Hikaru, about the whole Kaze thing.....Kaze....his boyfriend. The word sounded very odd to him. He'd never imagined being with anyone but Hikaru before. And out of the blue came this transfer student to complicate things for him, just after his first real fight with Hikaru.

Maybe it was fate. Maybe Kaze was the real one meant for him. The one who'd loved him, who'd cared for him, who'd make him forget about Hikaru. The one he'd be happy with. Kaoru rolled his eyes at the silliness of his own thoughts. Like that was ever going to happen!

Feeling the freshness he'd had as he woke up ebbing away, Kaoru stretched and got himself out of bed. It was a new day --a new torture. Living is such a _pain_.

Later that day, Kaoru sighed and tried to concentrate on what the teacher was explaining. It was history. One of his least favourite subjects. Finding concentrating an impossible task, Kaoru sighed again and let his thoughts drift. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, the bell rang. Kaoru snapped his book shut with a yawn.

With a feeling of dread, he stood up and walked out of the class, heading for the Host club had asked both him and Hikaru to come for something very important. Kaoru guessed what it was all about: their fight. In the past few weeks, he and Hikaru had gotten distanced. Very distanced. They would barely talk, barely look at each other. He'd spent all his free time with Kaze while Hikaru was all alone. Ignoring the stab of guilt he felt, Kaoru went on remembering how their act in front of their customers got weaker, and weaker. How they would sit at either corners of the couch, trying to maximize the space between them. How they never touched. How their customers felt disappointed, unhappy. How some stopped showing up all together. Everybody could sense that something was wrong.

Kaoru took a deep breath, braced himself, and entered through the door. Tamaki was waiting inside, of course, sitting on a chair with both his arms and legs crossed. Everyone else were sitting in silence too, their eyes on him. Hikaru was standing with a frown on his face. He looked murderous.

"Er...hello." said Kaoru nervously. Tamaki unfolded his legs and stood up. He guestured him to come closer with his hand. Kaoru closed the door behind him and walked slowly, trying to think up and excuse, a reason. But his mind was blank. "I think you know why you're here." Tamaki said. Kaoru nodded. There was a long pause. _"Well?"_ Tamaki demanded. Another pause. Kaoru didn't say anything. He wasn't going to be the one to break the silence. Let Hikaru clean up this mess. It was all his fault, anyway. Kaoru shifted his eyes, from Kyouya, to Honey, to the window, looking everywhere but Tamaki. Then his eyes settled on Haruhi.

His mind suddenly froze on one thought: _It was her fault._

Kaoru knew he was being unreasonable. He knew Haruhi had nothing to do with this. That it wasn't her fault. But his mind simply couldn't shake the thought away.

It was her fault, it was her fault, it was her fault! It was her fault because she came to this school. Because she made Hikaru like her. Because she was so thick she couldn't even figure it out. It was her fault because she simply existed! Kaoru found himself blaming her for everything, hating her with every ounce of his being. Jealousy burned his insides.

"Well?" Tamaki yelled, "Aren't you going to say anything? Aren't you going to explain yourselves?"  
"We...fought." Hikaru said slowly. Kaoru looked at him. Hikaru's face was pale. He looked so...so hurt. "It's all my fault, really" he continued. "I did something stupid, and Kaoru wont forgive me. So, he's not talking to me."  
There was another slight pause. "What happened?" It was Haruhi. Kaoru looked at her angrily. What happened? What happened?! You happened!

"It's...sort of private," Hikaru said in a dull voice.  
"Okay, fine," said Tamaki, "But you can atleast pretend everything is okay. Do you know how many customers you've lost? Everyone knows that something is wrong. You're not the same. You can't even convince a blind person, the way you're acting."  
Kaoru bit his lip. How could Tamaki be so insensitive? After all he's been through, he's supposed to smile and act like everything was fine? He was supposed to act that...that Hikaru and him were lovers. In front of silly, perverted fangirls. He shook his head.

"No."  
"Pardon?"  
"I said no. NO!" Kaoru couldn't control himself anymore. And feeling that cow, Haruhi's gaze on him made him even angrier. "I wont!"  
"Kaoru, what's wrong with you?"  
Kaoru didn't even know who asked the question. He didn't care. "What's wrong with me? Trust me, you don't want to know! I wont do this anymore. I wont pretend to be happy when I'm not. I'm sick of it, okay? I'm SICK! So leave me alone, will you? I quit. I quit! I don't want to be in this stupid club anymore!"

There was silence. Everyone was staring at Kaoru with their mouths open. Everyone was shocked.

"Fine." It was Hikaru who said it. All eyes shifted to him. "I quit. So now you don't have to leave. Are you happy now?" Kaoru realized that Hikaru's words were directed to him. "And I'm moving out of our bedroom too. And I wont ever talk to you again. And I wont even look at you! And I wont care about what you do with you're stupid boyfriend, so you don't have to hide it anymore."  
Kaoru's face looked immensly surprised.  
"Oh, yeah, I know about it." Hikaru said,"You can go marry him for all I care."

"Kaoru's getting married?" Honey asked, rather stupidly. Nobody answered him.

Kaoru blinked a few times. Then he frowned. "Oh, so now you're spying on me too? Wow. Why am I not surprised?"

Hikaru laughed. A harsh, cruel laugh. "As if I'm that jobless! If you didn't want anyone to know, then you should have been more carefull. School toilets aren't exactly a very secretive place for making out."

Kaoru's face turned so red and hot, you could've fried eggs on it. "You!...You!" he gasped, so furious he couldn't even get any words out. All the anger he directed towards Haruhi a moment found it's place back to Hikaru. _"You B******!"_ he yelled ou the first thing that came to his mind. Hikaru laughed again. He laughed. "We're twins, Kaoru. If I'm a b*****, then you're one too!"  
"NO!" Kaoru yelled, "You're NOT my brother. You're nothing even close to me. I hate you. I _hate _you, you wicked, wicked ANIMAL!"  
"Oh, yeah?" Hikaru yelled back, "Who said I love you?"

Ouch. That stung. That _really_ stung.

"You guys!" Haruhi finally stepped in, "Stop it! What is wrong with you? You're brothers, and you both love each other. It's normal for brothers to fight. But yelling at each other like that won't solve the problem." Kaoru snorted. "What makes you an expert? The last time I checked, you didn't have any siblings." Haruhi opened her mouth to say something, but then she changed her mind. She shook her head, muttering something that sounded like "hopeless"

Yes, it was hopeless. It was more than hopeless. Kaoru knew his relationship with his brother was broken beyond repair. There was too much anger, too much pain. They would never go back to the way they were before. He woud never be able to forget.

There was another lengthy pause. Then Tamaki snapped his fingers. "Mori! Grab these two and shove them into a closet!"

......

"Now!"

Mori shrugged, then grabbed Hikaru. "Hey, let go of me!" Hikaru yelled. Kaoru tried to run, but Mori grabbed him too.

Both of them struggled, shoved, pushed, but it was futile: Mori's iron grip was indestructable. He pulled them along, as Tamaki led the way, and opened the doors of the empty closet. Mori shoved them in, Tamaki locked the doors.  
"Now, you two are going to stay in there untill you resolve all your problems, got it? No one's going to let you out!"  
"Tamaki, you psycho!" Kaoru yelled, and banged at the door, "Let me out!"  
"Hahahahahahaaaaaa~~!" Tamaki's laughter resonated, sounding just a wee bit eviler than it should.

They could hear the footsteps of everyone walking away.  
"Are you sure this is okay?" Haruhi wondered  
"Don't worry, it's going to be alright...."

Hikaru gave up and slumped at the little floor. There was barely enough room for Kaoru and him. And it didn't help that Kaoru was still banging at the door and yelling. He felt like telling him to shut up, but then that would start the fighting again, and he was quite tired. So he just kept quiet. Eventually Kaoru gave up too. And since then, they sat in silence, neither willing to break it first.

The minutes ticked by, and Hikaru was getting more impatient......nearly an hour passed.....

He closed his eyes and thought deeply. He thought of something to say, or atleast something to do to kill the boredom. But his mind was blank. He opened his eyes slowly and looked in Kaoru's direction, where he sat opposite to him. He realised that they were so close that their legs were actually touching. And yet they were worlds apart..... That thought ripped at his insides.

Kaoru was sitting with his arms crossed over his chest. His head was leaning on the door, exposing his pale neck. Hikaru's eyes lingered there, and he remembered. He remembered that night when he had carressed it, tasted it, and showered it with kisses. That night when Kaoru was his and he was Kaoru's. It wasn't so long ago. A little over a month. But he felt as if it had been an eternity away. Images of that night flooded his mind: Kaoru lying pale and beautiful beneath him. His hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. His cheeks flushed, looking at him through his long, gorgeous eyelashes.

Hikaru turned his eyes away from Kaoru, his face turning red. How could he have been so blind, so stupid? He loved Kaoru. Right from the start, he knew it. He had always been running from the truth and afraid to admit it. So he lied to himself so much, that he managed to believe all his lies: that he didn't have any feelings for Kaoru besides brotherhood. But how could that be true? There wasn't anything brotherly about kissing Kaoru, or making love to him just to make him happy. That night, he didn't just do it for Kaoru's sake, he really wanted Kaoru too. Because he'd always loved him.

What was Haruhi? _Nothing._ Just a stupid crush. Yet he wanted to believe that she meant more than that to him. And he held on to her, trying to forget was why he was so miserable when she started going out with Tamaki. Deep down inside, he realized she meant nothing to him and he began to see through his lie. That was why he kissed Kaoru after that. He wanted him, he wanted to be with him. Then Kaoru got mad and started yelling. He should have explained himself. He should have told Kaoru the truth. But instead, being the coward he was, he kept quiet. He shut his eyes and his heart and he kept quiet.

And now he was paying for it.

Kaoru hated him. He loved him of course, but he hated him. And he hated that he loved him. And eventually all the love wouldl melt away, and only the bitterness and resentment would stay. It has already started. Kaoru was with Kaze now. With Kaze....

Hikaru's vision became blurred, and he realized that tears came to his eyes. 'It's all my fault!' he thought, 'If I hadn't been so stupid then Kaoru and I would have been together now. We would have been happy, and nothing else would have mattered. But it's too late now. I'm so sorry!'

* * *

It's been almost an hour since they were locked up. Kaoru crossed his arms and looked at the floor sulkily, cursing Tamaki in his mind. What the hell was his problem?!

Opposite to him, he saw Hikaru squirm a bit through the corner of his eyes. 'Hm,' he thought 'So you're not going to break, huh? We'll see. I wont say a word untill you do. And if Tamaki doesn't opens the door, then let us rot in here and I still wont speak!' He wasn't going to lose to Hikaru now.

After sometime, he could feel Hikaru's gaze on him. He refused to look up. A while passed and Hikaru was still looking at him. Then Hikaru brought his hand to his head, and he held it. "I'm so sorry!", he whispered. Kaoru looked up. "What did you say?" He couldn't stop himself. He was so desperate to get out. Anyway, even if Hikaru replied that he said "Noting," then it wouldn't matter, because then he would keep quiet and wait for him to talk again.

Hikaru lifted his head in a sudden movement and looked at Kaoru with surprise. He obviously wasn't paying any attention and was startled when Kaoru spoke. That meant that his speech was not directed to Kaoru. Meaning that he still had no intentions of giving up. 'Damn!' Kaoru thought. But then he was distracted. Something was wrong with Hikaru's face. It looked like he was...crying....No. Why would he cry? It was dark anyway, so Kaoru couldn't make for sure. Then Hikaru spoke again, "Did I just say that outloud?"

"Yeah, I heard you murmur something..."  
"Kaoru?"  
"Yes?"  
"Look, I'm tired okay. I want to get out of here. I bet you want to too, but you're just so stubborn."  
Kaoru didn't know what to say.  
"So, so...lets have a truce, okay? In school, at least. Then you can get back to ignoring me at home." Hikaru had a hard time saying these words. But he was just so tired. He needed to get out, and he needed to be away from Kaoru for a while. He neede to clear his mind.  
"Okay. Fine. Whatever."

Kaoru said it with a blank voice. He was disturbed. What was wrong with Hikaru? Why was he acting so...defeated. It just wasn't right. Why was he speaking that way? Why was he being so pathetic? Why was he crying? It made Kaoru feel uneasy. And it made him feel guilty. Hikaru was hurting. He was tired of fighting, and he was hurting.  
Who was being a jerk now?  
_He_ was.  
He was being so mean and...and stupid.  
Hikaru had hurt him before, but Hikaru didn't do it on purpose. _He_ was hurting Hikaru on purpose.  
He didn't have any reason not to forgive him.  
Any reason, except his pride.....


	6. Chapter 6: The moment of Truth

"Kaoru..._Kaoru!"_

Kaoru lifted his head, and realized that Kaze was bending over him. "Geez, Kaoru, I've been calling you since forever! What are spacing out so much for?" Kaoru gave Kaze an apolegetic smile, "Sorry. What is it?"  
"How about coming over to my place today? It'll be fun!"  
"Hmm....Alright. But I'm bringing my homework. We'll finish first, then we'll play."  
Kaze pouted "Homework's no fun."  
"I don't care."  
Kaze stuck his tongue out, "Meanie!"  
Kaoru laughed.

From the corner of his eye, he could make out Hikaru staring at them. He turned his head away and stood up. "Let's go to the cafeteria. I'm starving." he told Kaze, and they walked out of the class, Kaoru not daring to look back. He was glad Kaze invited him to his house. It would be good to get away from Hikaru for a while, to get away from the stabbing guilt. Kaze would make him forget about everything.

It has been four days since the cupboard incident. After letting Hikaru and Kaoru out, and making them promise they were going to behave, Tamaki said that he was going to give them a week's time to get their act together.  
"Or else, I'm going to -well, you don't want to know, really! _Hahahaha~!"...._those were his exact words.  
Kaoru sighed. A week. There were still three days more, so he needn't worry. There was enough time.

* * *

"Okay, so, here's my room." said Kaze, opening the door and leading Kaoru in.

It was a big room. The walls were deep blue, with grey curtains. The walls were covered with tons of anime and band posters. There was a massive bed against the opposite wall, and on either sides of it were bedside tables, piled with books and magazines. To his side, there was a huge TV set.

"So, what do you think?" Kaze asked him, as he walked in, and dumped his schoolbag on the floor. "It's nice." Kaoru said, following Kaze in and sitting on the bed. "Now lets get started with the homework!"  
Kaze sighed, "You homework maniac...."

* * *

About half an hour passed with Kaoru and Kaze splayed over the bed, doing their homework. And then Kaze threw his pen down, for the millionth time already. "Kaoruuuuuu! I'm _tired_!"

Kaoru looked at him impatiently. "Stop whining like a baby." "But I don't know how to do this sum!" Kaze complained. Kaoru looked into Kaze's book. "I explained it to you just a minute ago!"  
"But I'm not getting the answer!"  
"That's because you changed the sign, you idiot! It's supposed to be negative here, but you made it positive, so the whole sum went wrong. Do it again."  
Kaze frowned, but he stopped complaining. He took the book from Kaoru's hand and sulkily worked on the sum.  
Kaoru went back to his work.

A few minutes passed. Kaoru put his pen down and closed his book. He finally finished. He looked at Kaze and found him scribbling in his book, concentrating on his work to an unusual level for himself. 'That's strange,' Kaoru thought, 'How come he's so quiet?'  
But looking into Kaze's book, Kaoru found the answer. Kaze wasn't doing his work: he was sketching a picture.  
"Oi!" Kaoru cried, making Kaze jump. "What are you doing?"  
Kaze gave Kaoru an innocent smile, "Nothing!"  
Kaoru shook his head. "You know what, it's your wish. You're the one who'll get into trouble."  
"So you're done?" Kaze asked eagerly, apparently not concerned about getting into trouble.  
Kaoru rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm done."  
"Yay!"

"So what do you want to do first?" asked Kaoru. Kaze looked thoughtful "Well first, all this homework's made me hungry. How about some cake?"  
Kaoru agreed, and so Kaze went out of the room. He came back after a short while. "The maid will bring us cake and tea in a bit." he said, jumping into the bed, "In the meanwhile," he continued, "Why don't we have a.....pillow fight!" and in no time, he grabbed a pillow and threw it at Kaoru with such force that Kaoru cried out.  
"Oww! You ass! You just wait, I'll get you!  
Kaoru grabbed a pillow too and chuked it at Kaze, but he was too late. Kaze ducked it easily. "Missed me! Missed me!" he teased like a child, laughing. Kaoru found himself laughing too, and running after Kaze around the room.

Kaze was faster than him. As soon as they circled the whole room and reached the bed again, he captured another pillow and wacked Kaoru with it. Kaoru hit him back with his pillow. "Is that all you've got? Sissy!" Kaze taunted him. "Okay, now I'm really pissed!" said Kaoru, and he charged at Kaze, hitting him really hard on his head and his sides, sending feathers flying everywhere.

Then they heard the door knock. A young, pretty maid entered the room, carrying a tray in her hands. She looked at Kaoru and Kaze, and seemed startled. But then Kaze looked at her and she smiled. "Having fun, young master?" she asked. Kaze laughed, "Hey there, Sayako! Let me take that." The maid handed the tray to Kaze carefully, nodded at Kaoru, bowed and excused herself. Kaze placed the tray on the bed, "Come, the cake is here."  
Kaoru let go of his pillow. "Alright. I won, anyway."  
"Excuse me? Who says you won?" Kaze objected, his hand on his hip.  
"I did win." stated Kaoru as if it was an obvious fact.  
"No you didn't!"  
"I did!"  
"No, you didn'! No you didn't! No you didn't!"  
"Yes I did, yes I did, yes I did!"  
"No you didn't! We were interrupted! We'll continue with the match when we finish eating!'  
"Fine, I'm going to win anyway." said Kaoru, sitting on the bed.

"How many spoons of sugar do you want with your tea, anyway?" Kaze inquired. "Two." said Kaoru. Kaze put two spoons in the cup, poured tea in it, stirred it, and handed it to Kaoru. "And here's your slice of cake." Kaoru put the tea cup on his lap to take the cake. "Don't you have any tables around here?" He asked, looking around. "Nope." said Kaze, "I don't need them. I do everything on the bed. Mostly lying down."  
"Lazy bum."  
"Shut up."

They sat it silence for a while, Kaze sipping at his tea. Kaoru took some of the cake with his fork and tasted it. It was good. Chocolate, his favourite flavour. After a while Kaoru realized that Kaze's eyes were on him, which made him remember something and blush.  
Kaze looked curious. "What's wrong?" he asked, "Why did you just blush?"  
Kaoru blushed even more. "I...I just remembered something...." he said, not looking into Kaze's eyes.  
"What?"  
"Chocolate...."  
"Yes?"  
"It's...what our...first kiss...tasted of...."

Kaoru met Kaze's eyes again, and found him smiling warmly, "Yeah, I remember. You were eating chocolate ice cream." Then Kaze seemed to drift, as if he was re-living that evening in his mind, the smile still on his lips. Time passed by, and Kaoru and Kaze both finished their tea and cake without talking. But it wasn't an awkward kind of silence. It was peacful, musical, as if they both could feel the vibrations of each other's pleasant thoughts.

"Do you really want to finish the fight now?" Kaoru asked, rememering they had a fight to settle. "Nah, it's okay. I'm not in the mood now." said Kaze, and Kaoru was glad, because he too wasn't. The next thing he knew, though, was that Kaze had thrown a pillow at him again and jumped out of the bed, in the speed of light.  
"_Gotcha_! Hahaha!"

That hit was all the stimulus Kaoru needed. He was all fired up: grabbing two pillows in both hands, he ran after Kaze, swaying them madly in the air, making a sound assumed to be a war cry. Kaze laughed and ran out of Kaoru's way. Kaoru caught up with him soon, aimed a pillow at his head and fired it. It missed Kaze's head by a few inches. Kaze picked it up from the floor, and turned around, facing Kaoru.  
"You are a tougher opponent than I thought." he said in a dramatic way, like some character from an anime.  
"You have clearly underestimated me," said Kaoru, playing along, "Now, you shall meet your demise! Aaaaahhh!" and he charged at Kaze. Kaze met his pillow with his, "Strong you may be, but you will never defeat me!" he said  
"We shall see!"

They fought for a long while, hitting at each other with the pillows and circling around the room. In the end, Kaze knocked Kaoru's pillow out of his hand and captured it. Kaoru, having lost his weapon, turned around, and ran towards the bed. "Oh no, you don't!" Kaze cried and grabbed him from behind. Kaoru struggled, and wriggled in his arms. "Let go of me! Let go of me!"  
"Admit your defeat!"  
"Never!" Kaoru shreiked and stamped hard on Kaze's foot. Kaze winced with pain, his grip on Kaoru loosening. Thus Kaoru managed to free himself, and imediately jumped into the bed.  
"You little devil!" Kaze exclaimed, and threw himself on top of Kaoru. "I'm going to make you pay for that!" He contemplated for a brief moment on which way would be best to torture Kaoru, then his eyes lit up.

"Ah!" he said, smiling wickedly at his prey. Kaoru wondered what Kaze was going to do to to him, when suddenly he grabbed him and started tickling him.  
"Oh no, no ----_ah_!" Kaoru burst into a fit of giggels, _"No! No! Stop it! Hehehehe!"_

Kaoru wriggled from side to side in jerky movements, unable to control his shreiking laughter. "Kaze! I can't _breathe_! Please! Hehehe!" But Kaze wasn't about to stop. He was enjoying himself too much, and laughing too. "Your laugh is _so_ cute!" he said, watching Kaoru, his eyes sparkling with delight.  
"Please Kaze, I can't breathe! I'm goinng to _dieeeee!" _Kaoru pleaded, gasping for breath. Finally Kaze stopped. He didn't want Kaoru to die, of course. He could do it again some other time. Meanwhile, he just marvelled at the adorable creature lying beneath him.  
Kaoru was breathing deeply, his hand resting on is forehead, his eyes closed. "I'm...going...to kill you! I swear....I'll get you back for this...."

When Kaoru opened his eyes he found Kaze looking at him in a way he's never looked at him before. It was so...gentle, loving, so intense. There were a thousand more emotions in his eyes that Kaoru could not name; like the waves of a deep ocean, they were overwhelming him. He raised his hand slowly and brought it to Kaze's cheek. Kaze closed his eyes and leaned into Kaoru's touch. Kaoru looked at Kaze's face for long, taking in all his features: his cheeks, his nose, his lips. His fair skin that contasted with his jet black hair. His eyes, that were now open again and looking into his. Kaze was handsome. _Really_ handsome. Kaoru felt his heart throbbing in his chest, as Kaze slowly leaned in. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Kaze's as they came closer, and closer.....

Their lips met. Kaoru took in a deep breath saturated with the scent of Kaze and closed his eyes. He slid his hands over Kaze's neck and entwined his figers in his soft hair. Their lips moved together in perfect harmony. It was different from their other kisses; there was nothing urgent or demanding about it. It was slow and gentle, yet gripping nontheless. Kaze parted his lips and trailed his tongue over Kaoru's. Kaoru opened his mouth and let it in, meeting it with his own.

After a while, there was the problem of air. Kaze pulled his head back and sucked in a breath. Kaoru, upset at the loss of contact, clenched his collar and pulled him down, capturing his lips in a kiss. Kaze responded eagerly, tilting his head and griping Kaoru's hips.  
They went on and on for a long time, pausing only for the indespensable need of air. Kaoru felt like he could go on kissing Kaze forever. Kaze was the only thing he could think of, the only thing he could feel.

Suddenly, Kaoru felt Kaze's hand that was on his hip run up his shirt. He gasped and opened his eyes.  
"K-Kaze!"  
Kaze immediately pulled his hand out. He looked at Kaoru apolegetically. "I...I'm sorry Kaoru but I....I -" Kaze brought his hand to Kaoru's cheek and stroked it. "I want you. Really bad....Kaoru.."  
Kaoru didn't know what to say. His felt his face get really hot. Kaze wanted him....he... wanted him. What was he going to do? His heartbeat that was already immoderately fast accelerated. Well, it wouldn't be so bad would it? After all, Kaze's kisses were nice and....The way Kaze looked at Kaoru stopped him from thinking anything further. He felt his pants grow tighter, and his face went really red. All he could do was give a feeble nod.

Kaze sighed with relief. Then his lips twisted into a naughty grin that made Kaoru, if possibly, blush even more. Kaoru bit his lower lip nervously. Kaze swifly worked on the buttons of his shirt, and in no time had it of. Then he leaned in, and Kaoru thought that he was going to kiss his lips again, but he buried his head in Kaoru's neck and breathed in his scent. Then he pressed his lips to it, and moved them upwards and downwards, planting little kisses.  
Kaoru closed his eyes and let Kaze proceed with what he was doing with a little sigh. Feeling every bit of nevousness he had disappear, Kaoru wondered what he had worried so much about. This was really good.....

Kaze was amazing. He was so gentle, yet so passionate. The look he had in his eyes, the tone of his voice as he called Kaoru's name were just so...... _indescribable_. When it was over, they both just lay on bed, Kaze stroking Kaoru's hair and looking at him adoringly. Kaoru gave a contended sigh. It felt so wonderful to be so loved, so cared about. He couldn't but smile happily at Kaze, who leaned in and whispered into his ear.  
"I love you"

Kaoru reached out to touch Kaze's into Kaze's eyes, he knew exactly what to say. "I love you too." It was true, he knew it. He loved Kaze. He loved talking to him and spending time with him. He loved the sound of his voice and the tenderness in his eyes. Kaze looked like he couldn't believe his ears. "Really?" he asked, just to make sure they weren't decieving him. Kaoru's smile widened, "Really."  
Kaze beamed at Kaoru, "Oh Kaoru do you really mean it? I'm so happy! I mean, I knew you liked me but...but _this_!"

Kaze spoke all of that at a really high speed and sounded so excited that Kaoru laughed. "I love you," he said, kissing Kaze's cheek. "_I love you!_"

It was a perfect moment. At least, it was supposed to be, until Kaoru thought about a certain someone and it was ruined. He sat up, turning away from Kaze, ashamed. The change in his expression was immediately noticed by Kaze. "Kaoru, what's wrong?" he asked. Kaoru slowly sat up. He couldn't hide the truth from Kaze anymore. He deserved to know.

Kaze was getting really worried. He too sat up and brought his hand to Kaoru's face forcing him to look at him. "Kaoru, what's wrong?" he repeated his question. Kaoru sighed and searched for the words to begin with. "Kaze," he said, "there's something I have to tell you.........."


	7. Chapter 7: Hikaru's fantasy

Kaze listened to Kaoru all the while with a strange expression on his face. He grew more silent and pale with every word Kaoru spoke. Kaoru told him everything; the whole story about his fight with Hikaru, about Haruhi, about...

"So...what you're saying is....you're in....in love... with Hikaru...."

"Yes"

"But he's--"

"My brother, I know. It's...wrong...and patheric, but I just -I..."

Kaoru screwed up his courage and looked Kaze in the eye. He regretted it immediately. He could clearly see and understand the expression on his face that he had failed to read earlier.

It was hurt.

"Kaoru..." Kaze said in a voice barely more than a whisper, "when you said you loved me...was that...a lie?"  
"_No!" _Kaoru cried, "No! Kaze, no! I wasn't lying. I really meant it. I love you, I _really_ do!" Kaoru moved closer to Kaze and held his hand. "I love you. When I'm with you I don't even think about Hikaru. Kaze..."  
"But you love him more." Kaze stated in a dull voice.  
"Yes...but I don't want to. Kaze, he's hurt me so bad. I just want to forget him, and with you I know I will. Please, just give me some time. I know I can love you with all my heart."  
"But what if you don't?" Kaze asked, "What if you don't?"  
Kaoru let go of Kaze's hand and hung his head, ashamed. "I'm sorry...are you mad at me?"  
"I'm not mad at you. You can't help the way you feel..... and you've been through so much." Kaze brought his hand to Kaoru's cheek and cupped it, "It's just that....you're the first person I ever fell in love with, and for a moment...I thought that you felt the same. But now...."  
Kaoru put his own hand on top of Kaze's. "I'm so sorry."

They were both silent for some time. Then Kaoru asked Kaze what he had feared, "Do you....do you want to break up with me?"  
Kaze shook his head. "No...I just need some time, to think about this, you know."  
"Okay," said Kaoru, relived. "I should be going home now..."

Kaoru got out of bed and started getting dresses, which was quite embarrassing because he had to hunt for his clothes that were thrown all over the floor to put them on. Kaze watched him all the while with amusement. "_Stop it_." Kaoru demanded his face a bright shade of red.  
"I'm sorry," said Kaze with a light chuckle, "you look so funny."

After Kaoru was all dressed, Kaze became serious again. "Okay then," Kaoru said nervously, "Bye" He hesitated for a moment, then he leaned in and kissed Kaze. Kaze returned the kiss and smiled at Kaoru. It didn't look like any of his other smiles. Kaoru then walked out of the room with his schoolbag. As the door shut behind him, Kaze's smile disappeared.

* * *

Kaoru stepped into the shower and turned the faucet on. Closing his eyes, he let the hot water drench him, washing all his thoughts away. His head had been buzzing with them and he really needed to clear his mind, even if for a little while. After about five minutes, Kaoru finished his shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he walked out of the bathroom, into his bedroom.

When Kaoru returned home from Kaze's, he found that Hikaru had moved all of his things out of the room, so it was all his now. He was quite taken by surprise. Though Hikaru did say that he was going to move out, he didn't think he would actually do it. Kaoru didn't really know how to feel about it. A huge part of him was relieved. The less he had to see Hikaru, the better it would be. Yet he wasn't as happy about it as he thought he was supposed to be.  
After getting his clothes on, Kaoru climbed onto his bed, and sat there, trying not to think about anything.

After a while, Kaoru realized that that was impossible, so he gave up and figured it would be better if he occupied himself with just one thought. There was nothing he could do about Kaze; he would just have to wait until tomorrow to see what Kaze had to say. So he decided it would be better to think about Hikaru. Three days...three days until they had to get back to the host club. Kaoru didn't know what to do. How was he supposed to act? Like he was in love? Well he was. That was the whole damn problem! What if he got carried away while acting? Wouldn't he just be showing Hikaru his weakness...Kaoru gave a sigh of frustration. He truly hated being himself at that moment.

Getting himself out of bed, Kaoru decided to go watch some TV.

* * *

Hikaru thought of Kaoru as he lay in bed. It was still early, but he didn't feel like doing anything. So he just lay there, staring at the ceiling. There were many emotions welling up inside of him --strong ones that were leaving him torn and uncertain. Only one thing he was sure of: that he loved his younger twin. After so many years of denial, he finally admitted it.

Now a part of him wanted to run to Kaoru and tell him how he really felt. He wanted to explain to him how blind and stupid he'd been. But then another part of him was scared. What if Kaoru wouldn't forgive him? What if he didn't care anymore? Afterall, If Kaoru really loved him, he wouldn't be going out with Kaze right now.

Kaze...

Every time Hikaru thought about him his blood boiled. Every time he saw him with Kaoru he went insane with jealousy. And then Hikaru remembered when he saw Kaoru and him kissing in the toilet. It drove him mad. How could Kaoru do this to him? _How?_

Hikaru was so angry he pulled at his hair with a yell of frustration. "AAAAAH! Stupid! Stupid! _Stupid!" _he cried, yanking his head left and right. He was so stupid, Kaoru was so stupid, Kaze was so stupid, and this whole damn situation was! Feeling utterly exhausted, Hikaru sighed and hugged his pillow for comfort. Why, oh why did things have to be like this? If only none of this had happened.... If only he and Kaoru loved each other the way normal brothers would....

Hikaru could feel the tears welling in his eyes. He buried his face in the pillow, holding them back. 'This is no good,' he thought, 'I can't go on like this....'  
At that moment, Hikaru wished that human beings could control their thoughts and feelings. Like a television set. Then he could mute the voice in his mind and simply switch his feelings off.  
That would have been really great, but it wasn't possible. So right now he just had to deal with them.

Hikaru needed a distraction. But what? His eyes scanned his new room, looking for something interesting. Finally they settled on a book on his bedside table. "Broken Angels". He had borrowed it from the school library weeks ago but hadn't finished it yet. It was the typical star-crossed lovers kind of story, taking place in medieval Japan, where a young man and woman belonging to different clans fall in love. Hikaru knew these kind of stories always ended up tragically, so he was sure it was going to make him feel better. (You see his logic was: if he read stories about miserable people who were worse off than him, being himself wouldn't be so bad after all)

He opened the book to where he last finished and continued reading. Eventually he got to a part where the two lovers, named Sanjou and Narissa met secretly in a forest. They were sitting by a stream, holding hands, and being lovey-dovey  
"I haven't seen you in so long, Sanjou-san" Narissa said, "I've missed you so much."  
Sanjou blushed, "Me too Narissa. Not a day passed when I didn't think of you."  
And so they went on, talking in the ridiculously passionate kind of way young lovers usually do.

And as they did, Hikaru lost his temper.  
"What the hell!" He yelled at the poor book and threw it away from him. How was that nonsense supposed to make him feel any better? Where was the drama, crying and tragedy? Hikaru frowned. "What, you're showing off? That you two are _so_ in love and _sooo_ happy?" he hissed at the book, as if the two characters in it were alive and capable of hearing him.

'Okay,' Hikaru thought after calming down, breathing heavily, 'that was a bit insane....now what do I do? 'His thoughts began straying towards Kaoru again.

He imagined the two of them sitting by a stream, holding hands and being lovey-dovey. They were both in the flowing traditional clothes people wore back in medieval times. Kaoru was looking so beautiful....  
The scene shifted in Hikaru's mind, as he began getting carried away by his imagination. They were in a dark room, moonlight streaming throught the window.

**_"Kaoru," he says to his younger brother gravely as he holds him, in a very seme-ish kind of way, "I just....we shouldn't be doing this. We're brothers Kaoru....this has to end."_**  
**_"Oni-sama!" Kaoru cries, sounding ridiculously shrill and uke-ish. "What are you saying? No! I would die if you leave me!"_**  
**_Tears form in his beautiful eyes and he clutched Hikaru's clothes. "Please, oni-sama, I can't live without you!"_**  
**_"Kaoru...Kaoru!" Hikaru grabs him, unable to resist anymore, and kisses him passionately. The two of them end up on the ground, with Hikaru on top. In a minute, their clothes are off. As Hikaru devours his body, Kaoru moans, "O-Oni-samaaa--ah!"_**

"Whoa," Hikaru shook himself in the middle of his fantasy, "Stop it!"

But he couldn't. He couldn't stop himself from imagining Kaoru beneath him, flushed, naked and sweaty. And apparently, he really liked being called "Oni-sama." Desperate to distract himself, Hikaru grabbed the book that he threw away just a minute ago and made an attempt at reading. But his "_problem" _only seemed to get worse. Finally giving in, Hikaru put the book down and got himself out of bed. Hurrily he made his way to the bathroom and locked himself in.

Closing his eyes, Hikaru pictured Kaoru all the while as he touched himself. _"K-Kaoru!" _the bathroom walls echoed his cries.


	8. Chapter 8: Fight for Love

Kaoru yawned loudly while switching the TV off. He was dead tired. Thought he didn't know what time it was, he was sure it was pretty late. So he went to his bedroom, rubbing his sleepy eyes. As Kaoru entered the room, he half expected Hikaru to be lying there on the bed. But seeing it empty, Kaoru remembered that Hikaru moved out. He turned off the lights and collapsed into the bed.

It seemed oddly huge to him.

* * *

Hikaru tossed in his bed, unable to sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he slept without Kaoru lying down beside him. So adding up to all of his miserable feelings, he was now lonely and scared. The distance between him and Kaoru was too much to bear. What if they never made up again? His moving out of the room was certainly not contributing to closing the gap. In fact, it only made their distance more literal.

Hikaru rolled to his side and curled up in a tight ball. He realised that for the whole day, he had almost thought of nothing but Kaoru. It pissed him off. It also made him wonder if Kaoru thought about him as much. He sighed. Great. And now that he couldn't sleep, he was probably going to think about Kaoru all through the night.....Maybe counting sheep jumping over a fence would help him?

One sheep jumping over a fence. Second sheep jumping over a fence. Third sheep jumping over a fence.......Fortieth sheep jumping over a fence..................seventy fifth sheep jumping over a fence.....Kaoru jumping over a fence in slow-motion with arms wide open, crying _"Oni-samaaaaa!"_

Hikaru mentally slapped himself.

This was just too much. He had to see Kaoru, and he had to see him now. He sat up in his bed, removing his cover. He put his right foot on the ground and was about to do the same with his left one, then abruptly stopped. What would he say to him? But then he figured Kaoru would be asleep by now. Hopefully he was: then he could watch him all night without getting bored. Trying to ignore how perverted that just sounded, Hikaru made his way out of his bedroom silently, walking all the way to his old one.

When he reached the door, Hikaru stood as still as a statue. Should he go in? What if Kaoru was awake?......He would say that he forgot something behind. In case Kaoru asked him what, he would tell him to mind his own buisness. Okay. Good. Breathe,_ breathe..._

Hikaru slowly opened the door, trying as hard as he could not to make any noise. His eyes immediately fell on the bed, and saw that Kaoru was lying there, fast asleep. He breathed a sigh of relief, and then quietly crept towards the bed. He sat on its edge carefully, leaning over Kaoru's sleeping figure. He looked at him intently. Kaoru was as beautiful as ever, breathing deeply and making that cute purring sound that Hikaru loved. Hikaru drew his face closer to Kaoru's. He remembered that night when he first began to realise how he truly felt about him. He remembered how he kissed him in his sleep and how sweet those kisses were. Hikaru's eyes travelled down Kaoru's face to his pale neck. He nuzzled it with his nose and deeply inhaled Kaoru's intoxicating scent. Then Hikaru remembered something else: being in the bathroom earlier that night. All those images of Kaoru flooded him again.

Hikaru raised his head a little to goggle at Kaoru greedily. He began to seriously contemplate waking him up, showering him with kisses and caresses. Kaoru would definitely be startled at first, but would he refuse him? Not so long ago Kaoru had actually begged him to do it to him.

Hikaru was about to kiss Kaoru's neck when he suddenly noticed something wrong. There were marks on it. Looking intently, Hikaru found that there were some on Kaoru's collarbone and chest as well. What were they? They couldn't possibly be.....? Well Kaoru had been out after school at his ridiculous boyfriend's house.

Kaoru and Kaze. Together. _Alone._ In a bedroom, probably. Hikaru gasped with realisation: they were love marks.

For one horrible moment, Hikaru froze, utterly disgusted. He felt like he was going to cry and be sick at the same time. But then the moment passed, and he was filled with rage like he never knew. That..._that monster!_ He did that to his Kaoru, his _precious_ Kaoru! Hikaru clenched his fists in anger. 'Why?' he thought, looking at his sleeping brother, 'Why did you let him? You're supposed to be _mine_. You're supposed to love _me_!'

He couldn't stand it. He just had to get away. He rushed out of the room, not bothering to be silent to or to close the door behind him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see. His entire thoughts were murderous and centered around one person: Kaze.

* * *

The next morning, Kaoru knew he was going to have a very bad day.

First, when he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, he looked into the mirror and saw something horrible: Love marks. He gasped really loudly, then blushed furiously. He couldn't walk around like that; the one on his neck was completely visible. Kaoru wore a band aid over it to hide it.  
Second, for some reason, Hikaru was in a really foul mood. He glared daggers at him and kept muttering darkly to himself every once and again.  
Third, Kaze was totally avoiding him.  
Fourth, people kept asking him what had happened to his neck, and he kept telling them a stupid lie about his pet cat scratching him while he was playing with it.

He wished that he could crawl into a hole and die.

Later in lunch break, Kaoru decided to go for a walk in the gardens. It was a pleasant late autumn day. The weather was moderate, a cool wind was blowing. The sun's rays were temporarily obscured by a fleeting cloud or two. Kaoru walked for a while, all alone, enjoying the few precious moments of peace.

Then he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around; it was Kaze. He looked nervous. "Hi..." he said.

"Hi"

There was an awkward pause. Kaoru turned to leave _--"Wait!"_

Kaoru stopped and looked at Kaze. "What?"

Another long pause. Kaoru was getting impatient. "If you want to break up, then just say it already!"

Kaze looked startled. "I...I don't want to break up," he said. He drew closer to Kaoru and held his hand. "Kaoru....I-I want to be with you. I love you.....At first I thought maybe I should end it...but," and Kaze brought his hand to Kaoru's face "that would just make me a coward.....I...I'm going to fight for you Kaoru. I'm going to make you love me."

Kaoru couldn't help but smile.

"You just wait and see," Kaze continued. "I'll make you fall in love with me so much; you won't stand being away from me!"

"Oh Kaze..." Kaoru said, smiling, putting his arms around him, "You're so amazing...I was scared you were going to leave me."

"I'd never do that," Kaze said, "I love you too much, anyway."

Kaoru blushed. He couldn't believe his ears. Just a while ago he was so sure it was all over for him. He was so relieved, so happy. "I don't know what I'd do without you." he said. It was true. In such a short time, he had grown so attached to Kaze. He'd be lost without him now. Kaze pulled back from the hug and smiled at Kaoru before kissing him.

They walked together to a secluded part of the gardens. Finding a nice, large tree, they sat under it and talked for a while.

"What happened to your neck?" Kaze asked Kaoru suddenly. Ah. That same question that had _plagued_ him all day.

Kaoru blushed madly. "It's your fault, ass!" he muttered.

"My fault? Why?"

"Well, I can't just walk around with a love mark on my neck in public, can I?"

"Oh," said Kaze with realisation. "Can I see it?"

"No!"

"Please!"

_"No!"_

"Come on," insisted Kaze, reaching out for the band-aid.

"_Kaze!_ I said--" too late! Kaze ripped it away and looked at the purple mark on Kaoru's neck.

Kaoru felt his face grow hot. He tried to cover it with his hand, but Kaze grabbed his wrist, smirking. "I don't see why you want to cover it. I think it's very hot." and Kaze leaned in, and gave Kaoru's hickey a little lick. "Hey!" Kaoru cried, pushing Kaze away and smacking him on the head, his face all red "You pervert! Give me my band-aid back!"

He snatched it away from Kaze and placed it on the embarrassing spot on his neck.

Kaze laughed and put his arms around Kaoru, burying his head in his chest. "You're so cute Kaoru."

Kaoru blushed. "Shut up." he said, holding Kaze nonetheless. He nuzzled the top of Kaze's head, savoring his hair's scent and its ticklish feel on his nose.

"Idiot..."

Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all….

* * *

Ok people, I wont be uploading any more chapters for a couple of weeks because I have exams. But don't worry, after they're over I will resume. Wish me good luck! (and don't forget to review, or else xD)


	9. Chapter 9: Back to the Club

Hey guys. I'm sorry it took me so long to write this, I've had a terrible block. And the chapter is so short to....oh well, the next one will be extra long! Don't forget to leave a review!

* * *

It was the weekend and Hikaru was wallowing in self-pity, eating a whole box of ice-cream and watching the movie Titanic.

_"Jack...Jack! There's a boat Jack!"_

"Yeah, there's a boat Jack!" Hikaru said, waving his spoon at the TV as if he was drunk. He dipped it into the box, scooped up a huge amount of ice-cream then popped it into his mouth.

"_Aww damn it!_ I've got a brain-freeze!" He cried, frustrated. "I blame _you_ Jack! I blame you for my brain-freeze!"

Hikaru breathed hard. He realized he was acting insane. He was taking out his frustration on a poor, and very dead fictional movie character. So he put his spoon down and watched the rest of the movie in silence.

When the movie ended, Hikaru decided to take a bath.

He spent nearly an hour in the tub, engulfed by the warm water, staring at the patterned ceiling and humming softly to himself. He tried as hard as he could not to think about anything. It just hurt too much. When he first saw the love marks on Kaoru that night he was furious. Even throught the next day he was. But his fuming rage soon ebbed away, replaced by another emotion: pain. It just hurt to think that Kaoru chose to let Kaze touch him in such a way.

Unless....he didn't really _choose_ to.... Maybe the creep forced him into doing it?

_Nah._ Hikaru knew he was being pathetic. But what could he do? He wanted to be with Kaoru, truly. But wouldn't he be selfish if he tried to interfere? Kaoru wouldn't have let Kaze touch him unless they were really close. Unless he trusted him. Kaoru was moving on, and that was a fact he had to accept. But everytime he thought about it Hikaru felt like crying. It wasn't fair. Why did things have to get this complicated? Why wasn't it enough that he loved Kaoru more than anyone in the world?

Hikaru tossed in bed for long that night, and had strange dreams. It was dark, and he only saw Kaoru's back walking away from him as he called out his name....

* * *

Kaoru had had a wonderful weekend. He spent most his time over at Kaze's. When he wasn't with Kaze, he was talking to him on the phone. When he wasn't talking on the phone he was thinking about Kaze, and sighing like a love-struck maiden. He was so happy that nothing could ruin his mood. Not even the fact that after the weekend he had to get back to the Host Club. Somehow, he wasn't so worried anymore.

So when the time finally came he was sitting quietly on the sofa next to Hikaru, waiting for the customers to arrive. He glanced a look at Hikaru from the corner of his eyes; he appeared pale and composed, his eyes fixed on the floor. Kaoru turned away and continued to wait. As soon as the customers arrived, Hikaru drew closer to Kaoru and put his arm around him. Kaoru was startled. _"What are you doing?"_ he hissed. Hikaru didn't even look at him. He just whispered, "Well we're supposed to convince everyone that everything's okay, right?"

That was a good point. Kaoru was still reluctant but he leaned into Hikaru's touch. If Hikaru was playing this game, he wasn't going to let him win.

The girls that were assigned to them sat hesitantly around them.

"Welcome!" said Hikaru in a cheerful voice. Kaoru was stunned when he looked at him. The expression he wore just a while ago was transformed competely. He was smiling brilliantly. Kaoru didn't even pay attention to the customers. To their inquiries and sighs of relief as Hikaru assured them that they were reconciled. He was absorbed and amazed by Hikaru, how smoothly he was speaking to them.

"We had a terrible fight, and I don't want to talk about it." he said "But everything is more than fine now, right Kaoru?"

"Huh?..Oh, yes."

"Why don't we show them Kaoru?"

Kaoru looked at him puzzled. Hikaru was grinning and had a particularly smug look as he drew his face closer to Kaoru's. He leaned in, his lips nearly touching Kaoru's ear and he whispered quite audibley _"Kiss me."_

The girls wriggled in their seats and whimpered in excitement.

Kaoru blushed.

"Wh-what are you saying!" Hikaru forced Kaoru's chin up and looked him straight in the eye. "Kiss me." he repeated his demand.

Kaoru gulped. "Hi-hikaru..I really don't think that we should in front of..of.."

Kaoru looked around at the girls and saw their eye shining. Literally _shining_.

He could feel his heart beat really fast. "Hikaru..."

Alright then. Fine. He'd just give him a peck and get it over with. Kaoru shut his eyes and leaned in, reaching for Hikaru's lips. He pressed his lips to them softly for about a second and was about to pull away, only Hikaru stopped him. He held his face with both hands, pressing their lips together harder.

Hikaru moved his lips against Kaoru's for a few more moments. Then he pulled back and looked at the girls with a stunning smile, "There, _see?"_

Kaoru could barely even breathe.

Whatever this game was, Hikaru had already won.


	10. Chapter 10: First quarrel

The rumor that Hikaru and Kaoru from the host club had actually kissed on the lips spread across the school like wildfire. Within a day _everyone_ knew about it, _everyone_ talked about it and _everyone_ was shocked. Kaoru, who had to endure with all the stares and all the whispers as he walked by was quite certain that if a person could die of humiliation, he'd be dead.

Of course the girls in school were thrilled. The next day Hikaru and Kaoru had more customers than even Tamaki, all staring at the two with eyes wide open, waiting for them to kiss, or do something similar. Kaoru didn't know what to do. He felt so embarrassed, so weak, and so pathetic. And he hated himself for it. But more than that he hated Hikaru for getting him so flustered over such a small kiss. One which meant absolutely nothing to him, Kaoru was certain. Hikaru was just playing his lover part perfectly. But Kaoru got swept away.....

And now he had to deal with all the wide, gleaming eyes fixed at him. He tried best as he could to be calm and composed. It didn't help, though that Hikaru held his hand so often, whispered in his ear, stroked his hair and looked at him adoringly (to the immense enjoyment of the fangirls). It was all just too much. Kaoru started, stuttered, and blushed like mad the whole time, feeling his heart pound like a drum.

After what seemed like a century, it was over. Kaoru breathed a heavy sigh as he walked out through the door. _What a nightmare._ And the worst thing about it was that despite everything, he couldn't help himself thinking about that kiss. Hikaru's lips were so warm and so..._perfect_. It was so unfair. And the way he looked at him just a while ago, the way he held his hand. It all seemed so real to him.

"But it's not real." Kaoru told himself, "It's not real....."

* * *

"Hey."

Kaoru looked up. It was Kaze. "Oh...hi." Kaoru said dully. Kaze looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something but wasn't sure it was a right idea. After a brief moment, he decided to say it. "I heard about the kiss."

Kaoru didn't reply. Infact, he didn't even look at Kaze. He simply noded. There was a long pause.

"So...you're not going to say anything?"

Kaoru was beginning to get impatient, "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know...explain to me maybe?"

"There's nothing to explain."

Kaze frowned, "Is that so?"

"Yes, Kaze." Kaoru said his voice sounding annoyed, "It _is_ so."

Kaze was silent for a while. Kaoru thought he was going to walk away, but he didn't. He turned around angrily and said "I'm your boyfriend! You kiss some other guy and there's nothing to explain?"

Kaoru glared at Kaze. "I didn't kiss him. _He_ kissed _me!_ And it was all acting, okay? That's what we do at the Host Club, so just chill Kaze."

"Chill? You still have feelings for him, don't you?"

Kaoru didn't answer.

_"Don't you?"_

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has _everything_ to do with--"

"Can we just not talk about this?" Kaoru interrupted.

"No. We _need_ to talk about this."

"Fine!" Kaoru snapped, "Be that way!" and he picked up his things and began to leave.

"Kaoru, stop."

"No, I won't stop. I can't even _look_ at you now!"

Kaze took hold of Kaoru's wrist. Kaoru shook him away and left. As he walked away Kaoru could feel Kaze's gaze fixed on his back......

* * *

Kaoru had a miserable evening. At first he was really angry. Then, as he gradually cooled down, he began to feel terrible. It was the very first time he and Kaze ever fought....After giving it much thought, Kaoru realised it was his fault. Of course Kaze would be worried, of couse he would be upset. He even had every right to get angry. Kaoru had been a total jerk to him. He was mad at Hikaru but he took it all out on Kaze, who had done nothing to deserve it.

"I have to apologize to him," Kaoru told himself, "I should call him right now and tell him what a jerk I've been."

It was an easy thing to say, but when it actually came down to it Kaoru wondered if he could. He spent 20 minutes lying on his stomach on bed with the phone in his hand, and he must have dailed Kaze's number ten times before cutting it off. Kaoru was so frightened. What should he say? How should he say it? And what if Kaze wouldn't accept his apology? It was hard, much too hard. Maybe it was better if he put it off until tomorrow.

'Yeah, what's the hurry for?' Kaoru thought, 'Kaze's not going anywhere.......Just go up to him tomorrow morning, tell him you want to talk to him...and then we'll get it all right....yeah....just--AAH! _I can't wait!_ I'll die, I have to do it _now! I'm doing it! I'm pressing the dail button! It's dailing.....any second now!._...'

"Hello?"

Kaoru's heart must've stopped. And for a moment he forgot how to speak.

"Kaoru?"

Kaoru didn't know what to say. He was so...so afraid.

"If you won't say anything, I'll hang up."

_"Wait!"_

"...."

"Um..."

"I'm listening."

"Kaze?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm an idiot....and I'm so sorry....please forgive me...."

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said okay."

"J-just like that?"

"Yeah....you idiot."

Kaoru couldn't believe his ears. That was it? Kaze just forgave his so easily? _Why?_ Why would he do that, even though Kaoru knew he didn't deserve it?

"I...I love you." Kaoru didn't know why he said it, just that he really wanted to. He could hear Kaze sighing on the phone.,"I love you too." he said, "But we still need to talk about what happened."

"Yes, I understand. Tomorrow?"

"Okay then, bye."

"Good bye, and I'm _really _sorry."

"It's alright.....bye"

"Bye."

"Yeah...see you."

"Sure...."

"Um Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"Just hang up, will you?"

"You hang up."

"No, you hang up."

"Kaze!" Kaoru laughed.

"Okay, okay, bye!" and Kaze hung up. Kaoru truly believed it was the best conversation he'd ever had on the phone......

* * *

**Ok peeps, that's it for now. Again, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to update. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and don't forget to review!**


	11. Chapter 11: He's mine

**Hey guys! Again, I'm so sorry for being such a lazy slob with frequent writer's blocks. But don't worry, I've started my summer vacation and I'm going to finish the story in it! Yay! Thank you SO much for the reviews. Anyway, there's something else! You guys, haven't you noticed a mistake I made last chapter? When Kaoru and Kaze were fighting, Kaoru said that Hikaru had kissed _him_. Oops, my bad. But oh, well. His head was all messed up, poor guy. You can't blame him... Okay, Imma shaddup now and let you read the chapter.**

* * *

The stunt that Hikaru had pulled at the Host Club was not premeditated. It was a spontaneous spur-of-the-moment thing...He was sitting there with Kaoru next to him, and they were supposed to pretend that they were lovers, and the thought just _struck_ him like a bolt of lightning! He might as well make the most of it! And so it happened.

He knew he was being pathetic, but Hikaru couldn't help himself. Even if what happened wasn't real, wasn't pretending with Kaoru better than nothing? Wasn't it better than Kaoru ingoring him? Yet the way Kaoru coloured up when he asked him to kiss him, the way he looked away embarrassed, they made Hikaru think that maybe it wasn't all fake. Maybe there was still hope. Afterall, Kaoru couldn't have gotten over him completely so soon...

So now Hikaru began brain-storming, and came up with a crazy theory that if they actually spent enough time pretending to be lovers (or pretending to be pretending, rather), Kaoru would fall for him all over again and see that they were meant to be together!

It was a rather far-fetched theory, but it possessed Hikaru madly. Afterall, being desperately in love with someone tends to affect people's mind and reasoning adversly...

* * *

The recess bell rang and Kaoru closed his books with a sigh. In a moment he was going to have to talk to Kaze, just like he promised on the phone. He wished there was a way he could avoid it, but a promise was a promise. Kaze desreved a proper explanation. Sure enough, Kaze got up from his chair behind Kaoru and looked at him. "Come on. Let's take a walk."

"So," Kaze started as he and Kaoru went outside and began to walk in the gardesns, "Tell me everything."

Everything. Wow. Kaoru wondered how to begin. He breathed a long sigh and said, "Well...you probably already know about what Hikaru and I do at the club so...um, well, about the kiss..." Kaoru was getting really uncomfortable and began searching for the right words to use. "It wasn't planned or anything. It just happened -I mean, _we didn't just do it!_ He told me to, and I didn't want to but...but the girls. They were just _staring_ and I wanted to get over with it...and..."

Kaze watched as Kaoru got more and more flustered, biting his lip and shifting his eyes nervously. He stopped walking and looked Kaoru straight in the eyes.

"Kaoru," he said in a very serious tone that frightened him.

"Y-yes."

"Tell me how you feel about him."

Kaoru turned his head away. His head filled with thoughts and memories of Hikaru, and of the last couple of months. They were the absolute worst he had ever lived through. And if not for Kaze...

"I...still love him Kaze... But I also hate him. And I just want to kill him, and I hate him, _I hate him_, for making me so..._so_..." Kaoru turned his head back and looked into Kaze's serious, troubled eyes. "Please help me. I don't want to be like this anymore. I want to be happy"

Kaze brought his hand to Kaoru's face, and Kaoru put his hand on top of it. "I know you can make me happy. I want to be with you. Kaze, I love you."

Kaze smiled sadly, "Do you, now?..."

The thought of Kaoru -the very first person he'd ever fallen in love with- having feelings for someone else was enough to make Kaze go mad. It wasn't fair. He didn't have to deal with this and he didn't want to. But though he tried to harden his heart, Kaze simply couldn't. Kaoru was too darn _cute_ with his eyebrows knitted in a desperate expression, and his eyes so pleading.

_"Aaargh!"_ He cried and pulled Kaoru into a tight teddy hug, ruffling his hair, "You're too cute for your own good!"

Kaoru burst into a delightful peal of laughter, "Kaze! Haha!"

When he pulled back from the hug, Kaze looked serious again. "I won't forget my promise Kaoru."

"What promise?"

"I said I'd fight for you, didn't I?" Kaze stepped in closer to Kaoru, "And I don't intend to loose."

Kaoru smiled, but didn't say anything. He simply leaned in and kissed Kaze.

They were silent for a while, then Kaze said, "I'm hungry." Kaoru laughed, "When aren't you anyway?"

* * *

Hikaru watched from a window as Kaoru and Kaze walked in the gardens looking particulary happy, unaware of him watching them. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but it didn't matter. It was obvious they were teasing each other and laughing, the way lovers do. He hated it.

"You thief," he muttered darkly, glaring at Kaze, "He's mine..."

* * *

**I just gotta say that I love how Kaze keeps flipping from serious mode, to stupid, to serious, to stupid again! ****Bye peeps, don't forget to review! I'll haunt you if you don't. **

**Really...**


	12. Chapter 12: I'm done

Roller coaster ride.

These were the words best fit to describe Hikaru's life for the past three and a half months. They were crazy, scary, confusing. So many ups and downs. Everytime he felt determined and confident, his hopes were shattered. Everytime he fell, he fell harder.

So much for his make-Kaoru-fall-in-love-with-me-all-over-again plan. Hikaru snorted at how unrealistic he had been. Not only was his plan epically failing, but Kaoru seemed to be getting closer to his loser of a boyfriend every single day. Hikaru felt his insides burning as he watched the couple walk together, laugh together, and do all the things that he didn't do with Kaoru anymore. And to make things worse, Kaoru often invited Kaze over to their home, so Hikaru found himself utterly incapable of _not_ sticking his ear to Kaoru's bedroom door, eavsedropping.

Some of the things he heard would be completely inappropriate to mention. And they left him feeling sick and miserable for hours...

Meanwhile Hikaru returned to reading his tragic novels again. Of course it didn't help him feel better the other times, but hey, no harm trying again, is there? So now he sat at a table on his balcony frowning over the unfinished "Broken Angels". Well, not so bad afterall. The rather poor style of writing was certainly made up for by the frequent deaths of all sorts of characters which must ultimately lead to the deaths of the two main ones. Hikaru already speculated it to be one of those "seeing lover killed, crying, then killing oneself" sort of ending. As he kept turning the page, Hikaru became quite engrossed with the book. He finished it by around midnight and decided to return it to school the next day and borrow another one. (In case you are wondering, it wasn't a "seeing lover killed, cying, then killing oneself" ending, but a "seeing lover killed, crying, then moving on with one's life though one will always remember the dead lover" sort of ending)

When Hikaru returned the book the next day and said that he wanted to borrow another one, the librarian told him that he had to return yet another book which he had previously borrowed which he ought to have returned over a month ago, and that he couldn't borrow a new book unless he returned the old one. Severely infurated, Hikaru stomped his way out of the library.

After spending half an hour searching for the damn book in his room and not finding it that evening, Hikaru came to the conclusion that the book must be in his old bedroom. So now he stomped his way to Kaoru's bedroom and banged the door open. Kaoru wasn't there. 'Good.' he thought, 'now where the hell is that book?'

Hikaru went to his old bedside table and started searching in the drawers. Just as he began emptying their contents on the floor, Kaoru entered the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked, taken aback.

Hikaru turned his head around, "What does it look like? I'm searching for something."

Kaoru was about to ask Hikaru what he was searching for but he decided not to. He shrugged and sat down in bed. He took out his music player and plugged in the earphones as he fiddled with his cellphone. After a while he started humming.

Hikaru found it immensely annoying.

He stopped what he was doing and glared at Kaoru who didn't seem to pay any attention to him and was texting a message. 'Probably to his stupid boyfreind' Hikaru thought angrily. His frown deepened as he saw how eagerly Kaoru leaned in, texting away, a smile on his lips. Then when he was done, he put the cellphone down and leaned back. This movement exposed a part of Kaoru's neck. A part which clearly flaunted a fresh love bite.

Hikaru's face paled...Then he smirked. "Tell me Kaoru,"

Kaoru looked at him, removing his earphone, "Huh?"

"Is he good?"

Kaoru had no idea what Hikaru was talking about, "What?"

"Kaze," Hikaru said, "Is he good?...In bed, I mean."

Kaoru looked absolutely scandalized.

"He must be," Hikaru continued, "with the rate you two are going at it. Unless, of course, he's paying you for it..._Is_ he?"

Hikaru watched the change in Kaoru's expression. He stood up in fury, pulled Hikaru off the floor by the collar and pinned him to the wall. His face was all red, his chest was heaving up and down and he stared angrily into Hikaru's eyes. He looked frightening. Hikaru was shocked by the violent reaction he provoked. But it only took him a moment to recover. He laughed cruelly and said "What, are you going to beat me up?"

Kaoru looked like he was really going to. But then he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again, they were no longer angry, but cold and sad.

"You know what?" he said, "You're not worth it."

And he let go of Hikaru. "But just so you know," he said, "He _is _good. He's amazing...well, better than you, anyway." And Kaoru gave Hikaru one of his very own smirks and turned around.

_Ouch._

Hikaru grimaced and shoved Kaoru violently onto bed. "Well you know what Kaoru?" he yelled, "You're an idiot! You're an idiot, and a liar, and a big fat cow!"

Hikaru didn't really make much sense. But he didn't care. "Three months! Three friggin' months and a half!"

"What the hell are you saying you freak?" Kaoru yelled back, fighting Hikaru off of him.

"That is how long you've been treating me like sh*t! And what for? You said you loved me, and look at you now!"

Kaoru pushed Hikaru away, "What the hell does it matter anyway? What does it matter to you who my boyfreind is and what I do with him? You don't love me back, remember? _You_ told me to get over you. _You_ told me to try to be happy! That's exactly what I am doing right now isn't it? So why are you all angry now, huh? I know! Beacuse now my whole world doesn't revolve around you, you selfish attention-seeking brat!"

"That is rubbish!" Hikaru spat.

"You want me to cry and mope over you? That's not going to happen!"

"Because you are already over me!" Hikaru shouted, "You are over me. You don't give a damn whether I'm living or dying, you don't. All you care about is that stupid boyfriend of yours that you love so much. Makes me wonder how much you loved me in the first place anyway."

Kaoru was so exasperated he couldn't speak for a second. "Over you? You think I'm _over you_? NO! I'm not! Look at me, I'm so pathetic because of you! Every damn thing you do gets me so messed up. You don't know anything about what I've been through, what I still go through!"

"You don't have to go through it then." Hikaru said in a mild tone that threw Kaoru off his guard.

"What?"

"Kaoru," and Hikaru drew closer, touching Kaoru's face and looking at him seriously, "I love you."

Kaoru recoiled from his touch as if Hikaru had been a snake. "What nonsense are you saying?"

"I really mean it Kaoru, I love you." Hikaru drew close to Kaoru again, taking his hand in his.

"You said -you said,"

"I know what I said. I was blind back then Kaoru...I love you. I don't know how I couldn't have seen it before, but I do see it now, and I want to be with you."

Hikaru peered at Kaoru carefully and earnestly to see his reaction. "I...I"

"Yes?"

Kaoru pushed Hikaru away, "I don't believe you!"

Hikaru was getting frustated and took hold of Kaoru from his shoulders, trying to get him to look at him. "Look at me. Look at me Kaoru!"

"No! I don't want to-" Kaoru's lips were attacked by Hikaru's. "Stop it!" Kaoru demanded, pushing Hikaru away, only to be force-kissed again. "I said STOP IT!"

Hikaru stopped this time. "Why? _Why?_ Why wont you believe me? I love you."

Kaoru shut his eyes tightly and was shaking his head. "I do! Kaoru...I...We made love, for heaven's sake! Do you think any normal brothers would do that?"

"I don't care!" Kaoru yelled like a child. "Even if you do love me...which I know you don't, but even if you do love me...you're too late. I'm with Kaze now, and I love him. I'm happy with him and I know he'll never hurt me the way you did, you idiot!"

That remark truly got to Hikaru.

"And what about me, huh? You always keep saying how bad I've hurt you, but what about me? Don't I have feeling too? These past three months have been torment! Sometimes I just want to kill myself! But you have no idea what it's like. You're being all cutesy and lovey-dovey with your boyfriend all the time! You are moving on and being happly while I am all on my own. I hate him, I hate him! That jackass!"

"Well that's how I've felt all the while you were chasing after your precios Haruhi like a dog!" Kaoru excaimed, getting defensive at once. "And you know what? All this pain you calim you are going through would not have even happened if you just told me that you loved me! Then we could have been together now, but no! You can't figure out your own damn feelings! And now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"I wanted you!" Hikaru screamed, louder than he ever did the entire fight. "I wanted to be with you...I tried, I was confused, but I tried. That's why I kissed you that time. But you?" Hikaru's voice was getting choked up as his eyes filled with tears, "You always have to be the victim right? And I'm the bad guy. What was it you said again?...That I was using you as a substitute for Haruhi?..." Hikaru was so broken, so hurt. He didn't even care anymore. He let his hot tears run down his cheeks.

"Please!" he cried, "You didn't even give me a chance!...But that's you're great opinion of me Kaoru, so thank you very much."

Hikaru got himself out of bed and dragged his feet along as he made his way to the door. He turned back, just before he went out, "Just...screw you Kaoru...I'm _done_."

And with that he closed the door behind him.

* * *

**Waah, the longest chapter I've written in a while! And it's pretty intense too. Do you like it? Leave me a review! (^.^)**


	13. Chapter 13: Box of Memories

**Hey guys! Guess what? Only two (or one, depending on my mood) chapters to go! I'm so excited. I can't believe it's been nearly two years since I've started writing this story. Time flies...And guess what else? Yesterday was my birthday! I went to see the movie Inception and it ROCKED! Dream within a dream within a dream within a dream! Wow...**

**So guys, you know what would be a perfect present? Your lovely reviews! I swear people, they make me so happy. And I've worked so hard for this chapter despite my terrible block. It's the longest I've written in a while. So, I hope you enjoy it. I appreciate all of your support. Cheers! ^.^**

* * *

Kaoru was breathing hard as if he'd just run a marathon. His mind was still unable to grasp what had just happened. The more he thought about it, the more he felt confused and torn. Hikaru...loved him? No way. How could it be possible? How could he love him all this time and not say a word about it? And what about Haruhi? And...it didn't make any sense. Yet, just a while ago he was right there. He said that he wanted to be with him. He kissed him.

Would Hikaru really do all of this just to get attention? He didn't have a reason to lie. And then there was that time they made love. How could a normal person ever do that with his brother? But then...

Kaoru's mind was about to explode. If Hikaru really did love him -which he wasn't sure off yet- what was he going to do? Isn't that what he had always wanted? To be with him. And now it was possible. But no! What was he thinking? He already had a boyfriend, and a great one at that. It didn't matter.

So what if Hikaru loved him? He was too late...right?

But then Kaoru remembered the expression on Hikaru's face; the tears that ran down his face, and he felt like killing himself. The guilt stabbed him like a thousand knives. Hikaru was right, he had been too hard on him. He wouldn't forgive him, he treated him like crap. He claimed to love him so much while in less than a month he managed to get himself a boyfriend.

Kaoru realised that the kiss was just an excuse for him to be mad at Hikaru for not loving him. To let out all the pain he had been holding in him for so long. An excuse to hurt Hikaru back the way he was hurt.

"Oh God!" Kaoru exclaimed, holding his hand to his heart. What had he done? This entire mess was his fault...

* * *

Kaze knew that something was wrong with Kaoru. For nearly a week, he had been acting strange. He barely ate, he was really quiet all the time, and whenever he asked him if he was alright he would sigh, as if something was weighing down on his chest. Yet he'd say that he is alright and force on a smile which didn't convince him.

Kaze thought that if he gave Kaoru some time he would eventually open up to him. But Kaoru showed no signs of intending to. It really bothered him. Why wouldn't Kaoru say anything to him, didn't he trust him? He longed to confront Kaoru and tell him how he felt but he was afraid. Of what exactly, He didn't know, but in his heart Kaze felt that something bad was about to happen.

A few days later, Kaoru came up to him very gravely and said, "Kaze, I need to talk to you. Let's go take a walk in the garden."

'About time' Kaze thought.

The sky outside was gray and cloudy. "It looks like it's going to rain." he obsereved, quietly peering at Kaoru from the corner of his eyes. He looked so serious, so miserable."Yeah..maybe." he said, sounding distacted. In his mind he was searching for the best way to start. He took a deep breath.

"Kaze...I'm ending it."

There was a pause. Kaze frowned slightly, not sure whether he understood what Kaoru meant.

"Ending what?"

"Us."

It took another moment for what Kaoru said to sink in. And then he understood.

"You're breaking up with me."

"Yes..."

Kaze didn't say anything. He averted his eyes and stared at the ground for a long time. His face was pale and expressionless.

"I want to explain to you why I'm doing this." Kaoru continued. "It's because... you deserve better."

Kaze looked up, his eyes were fierce. "_That's_ your excuse? Rubbish!"

"It's the truth! Please listen to me." Kaoru took hold of Kaze's arms, pulling him closer. He looked into his eyes pleadingly, _"Please."_

Kaze looked back at him, then nodded.

"Okay..." Kaoru began, "About a week ago, I had a fight with Hikaru." Kaze tensed at the mention of his name. "He said...that he loved me."

Now this was getting really bad. "What did you tell him?"

Kaoru smiled sadly, "That I didn't believe him. That he was too late anyway. That I was with you."

"Then why are you-?"

_"Listen." _Kaoru said, placing his hand on Kaze's mouth,"I don't know if he really does love me, but that's not what matters. What matters is how I feel about him. And...I still love him. I'll probably always love him. Do you understand now?"

Kaoru lowered his hand. The look in Kaze's face broke his heart. "It's not fair to you, Kaze. I can't keep on...using you."

Kaoru shook his head as if in shock and disgust with himself, "That's what I'm doing isn't it? I'm using you...because when I'm around you I feel so happy. I don't think about him anymore. And I got so mad at him when he kissed me after Haruhi! I'm doing the same thing now...I'm a hypocrite and a _terrible_ person."

Kaoru's voice dropped to a whisper as he said the last words. Tears began forming in his eyes.

"You're not a terrible person, Kaoru." Kaze said in what he attempted to be a reassuring voice.

"I don't deserve your love."

"Kaoru, you're being so cliche."

Kaoru laughed out loud, and then he cried, "I know! I'm like a stupid character from a bad movie or book." his wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"Well then don't be." Kaze said, stepping closer and lifting Kaoru's chin with his hand. "Don't you remember what I promised you? I said that I'd make you fall in love with me."

Kaoru sniffed. "You can't do that...you can't make a person love you."

_"Kaoru."_

"I wanted to believe that: that you could really make me forget Hikaru. But I can't."

Kaze made a sound of frustration.

Deep down inside, he knew that Kaoru was right. He probably knew it all along. Maybe he wanted to make himself believe that as well.

"We were lying to ourselves..." Kaoru said softly, as if the words hurt too much to be said aloud.

"Yes," Kaze whispered, "But it's such a beautiful lie."

"Isn't it?" Kaoru agreed.

They were both quiet for a while. And then, without a warning, the clouds in the sky decided they couldn't hold the rain in them any longer. The drops of water fell thick and fast, drenching the two in seconds.

"Ah!" Kaoru exclaimed, and started to run for cover.

"Wait!" Kaze pulled him back.

"What are you doing?"

Kaze looked into Kaoru's eyes with sad determination. "If this is going to be it...you need to kiss me goodbye."

"A kiss in the rain. ...Now that's cliche."

The corners of Kaze's lips twitched as he said, "I know."

Kaoru drew closer to him and took his face in his hands. He gave Kaze a lingering look through his half-lidded eys, then, closing his eyes, pressed his lips to his.

Kaze wrapped his arms around Kaoru and held him tight. He kissed him as hard as he could, tasting him, feeling him, for what he knew was to be the last time.

It was a long kiss. A wet kiss. It was firey. With it Kaze expressed all his of his longing. With it ended Kaoru's impossible dream.

* * *

Was it even humanly possible to be in so much pain? Hikaru thought his chest might burst open, unable to contain it. It was so strong, so crippling. He couldn't get himself to get up and do anything productive with his time. Even the tragic novels he had once found little comfort in couldn't help him.

Nothing _-nothing_ was interesting anymore. He felt as if the world could end and it wouldn't make a difference to him.

For about a week he was stuck in the same inescapable nightmare: wake up, _mope_; go to school, _mope_; come back home, _mope_; try to sleep, _mope_.

That was about it.

And then one day at school it rained.

By the time school was over and he reached home, it was still raining. Hikaru sat by his bedroom window, eyes closed, his forehead against the hard glass, listening to the sound of it dripping outside. He found it strangely comforting in a way. An hour could have passed, Hikaru didn't know. What he did know as he sat there was that with every passing moment, he longed to go outside and drench himself in that rain. Just like they did in the movies.

He opened his eyes and stood up, then swiftly walked out of his room and made his way outside.

He didn't walk straight into the showers at first, but slowly put his hand out. It was cold, but gentle and it felt so pure. Hikaru then walked in fully, getting himself completely drenched.

He walked for a very long time, his arms stretched out, his head raised. He loved the feel of the rain on his face. He loved the smell of it and the sound it made as it splattered everywhere. For the first time in a very long time, Hikaru smiled.

After a while, his legs began to feel tired. He didn't want to go in just yet, so he found a big tree and sat beneath it. When Kaoru and him were little they used to play under it quite alot. It was their favorite, out of all the other trees. Hikaru smiled sadly at the flood of memories. He sighed. Things were so much simpler back then, so much _happier_. He remembered the one major fight he had with Kaoru when they were about nine.

Hikaru couldn't remember exactly what they fought about. Only that Kaoru called him a pig, and he got really mad and pushed him. Kaoru's ankle got sprained.

They wouldn't speak to each other for about a week. And then one day, Hikaru couldn't bear it any more. At the sight of Kaoru, he broke into tears, _"I-I'm sorry I pushed you!"_

Kaoru started crying too, _"I'm sorry I called you a pig!"_

And then they hugged and made up.

Hikaru then remembered something else. After they'd made up, Kaoru came up with an idea. "Let's make a memory box!" he had said.

"A what?"

"A memory box. We'll put lots pictures of us having fun together and things like that. And then I'll write a letter to you saying that I'm sorry. You'll write a letter to me too. But we won't read them now. We'll keep them in the box. So...so if we ever fight again, and if you took out the box, you'll read my letter and you'll know how sorry I am. Then you'll have to take the box to me and show me all the pictures and remind me of all the good times. And then you'll give me your letter and I'll read it. After that we'll definitely make up again!"

Hikaru found the idea delightful, and the two of them got to work right away. The took pictures of them "having fun together" like Kaoru'd said. They even drew pictures and eventually wrote their letters too. They put everything in a lovely wooden box and by evening decided to go bury it outside.

Of course, the only place the'd thought of was their favourite tree. They even left an arrow mark on its bark, to make sure they could easily relocate the box whenever needed.

Hikaru stood up and examined the tree. Sure enough, he found the little arrow mark they had made seven years ago. Without thinking, Hikaru knelt down on his knees and began digging with his bare hands. It had been raining for hours, so the mud was easy to scoop up. A bit further it became slightly harder to dig but he kept going. He went on for a few minutes when he finally felt something hard. He dug around it, removing the soil with such excitement, his hands were trembling.

There it was. A little wooden box carved beautifully.

He and Kaoru's box of memories.


	14. Chapter 14: Happiness

Dripping and covered in mud, Hikaru rushed inside, his feet leaving tracks all over the floor. In his eagerness he didn't notice. With the box tucked under his arm, he made his way to his room, ready to open it right away. Only when he reached did he realized how dirty both he and the box were.

Now, it wasn't just an ordinary box. It was a box of memories. _Their_ memories. The moment he opened it he should be prepared, serious, and most importantly, clean.

So he took a shower and washed the dirt off the box.

When he was finally ready, Hikaru set the box on his bed and sat before it, feeling not only butterflies but many heavier species fluttering in his stomach. He took a deep breath, lingered his fingers on the lid for a moment more, then opened it.

The first thing that caught his eyes inside was a red toy car. It used to be Kaoru's favourite. He remembered that he had one just like that was green. Kaoru broke it by accident and he'd gotten really mad at him at the time. Hikaru picked the car up and examined it. It looked completely unchanged. He smiled softly and put it down, moving on to the other contents of the box.

There were other toys, a small jar of marbles, and also, a deck of playing cards. They used to play with them all the time. Kaoru would almost always win and it made Hikaru very irritable. At the rare occasions that he did win, he'd always poke fun at Kaoru and rub it in, laughing triumphaly. Kaoru never lost his temper like Hikaru though. He'd shrug his shoulders and laughed with him.

It only occured to Hikaru now that whenever he won Kaoru would have played badly. _Very_ badly.

"He let me win." Hikaru whispered, astonished by his realization. This new knowledge sent a pang of pain in his chest.

The next thing Hikaru took up was the photo album which contained the pictures they'd taken that day. The two of them were smiling radiantly, holding each other, making funny was one picture in particular that Hikaru paused to peer at: Kaoru was beaming at something in it, his head turned aside, while Hikaru who was beside him looked at him with a gentle smile and soft, adoring eyes.

'Yes,' Hikaru thought, 'I loved him even back then.'

The last thing left for him now was the letter Kaoru'd written him. Hikaru felt his fingers tingle as he took it up. He opened it and began to read:

"Dear Hikaru,

If you are reading this, it means that we've fought. I don't know what about, but I want you to know that I am really sorry. You're my brother and my best friend, Hikaru. I'm sure I didn't mean what I said.

When you don't talk to me I feel so lonely, so please, okay? Please forgive me and talk to me. I love you so much.

-Kaoru"

Hikaru's hand quivered and he let the paper slip from it.

Suddenly he sobbed. It was a loud painful sob and it took him quite by surprise. He clasped his hand over his mouth to stop himself but it seemed like a chain reaction was set off. His entire body shook as he cried helplessly.

He couldn't remember a time when he cried like this. It was as if all the pain he had held in his chest for so long had built up to the point where it couldn't be contained anymore. Like a flood breaking loose, wrecking havoc, it seemed that there would be no end to his tears.

But they did end.

Hikaru lay quite still, looking at the ceiling, feeling strange. He was limp and exhausted, and his head hurt from crying so much. The wild emotions that were just set free were replaced by an odd sense of emptiness.

"Kaoru." he whispered.

* * *

**Two weeks later**

It was lunchbreak and Kaoru was leaning at an open window, watching the sky. The grey of the clouds seemed to depict his mood of late. The wind blew against his face, smelling of fresh rain and damp earth.

He sighed.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't chase away the image of Hikaru's face as it wore that look of despair, his eyes tearing up. In his mind, he'd see their whole fight again and again, always ending with Hikaru's face. The more he went through it in his head, the more he believed Hikaru's words and was convinced of his guilt.

He was so tired of all this fighting and all this anger and hurt. All he wanted was...was...

What did he want? He didn't even know anymore. He didn't know what to do.

Kaoru stood up straight and turned around. He was startled to find Kaze standing before him. His ears turned red. "Hello," he said timidly, averting his eyes. Kaze looked just as embarrassed. "Hi," he said.

There was an awkward pause.

"Um...how are you?" Kaoru asked, feeling lame and not knowing what else to say.

"I'm good." Kaze answered, "And you?"

"Yeah..."

Another awkward pause.

Kaze moved so he leaned against the wall, then thrust his hands in his pockets. He wanted to ask Kaoru something. He glanced at him a few times before beginning.

"So, um...are you talking to ...him yet?"

Kaoru looked up. Kaze's face wore an expression of true concern, though he was uncomfortable asking ther question. Kaoru shook his head.

"How come?" Kaze asked.

Kaoru thought for a moment "I don't know...it's not so simple."

"But you love him, right? And he loves you."

Kaoru thought for a while. "I...I don't know."

Kaze's eyebrows knitted. "I just want you to be happy." he said, "Even if you're not with me." he added in his head.

Kaoru smiled. "You're so kind Kaze. You make me feel like a terrible person."

Kaze laughed. "I'm sorry. That was not my intention."

A few moments passed, only this time the silence wasn't awkward. The two of them were aware of each other's presence and both felt and understood that there was no need for words.

"You know," said Kaze, his expresssion suddenly changing, as if he just remembered something immensley important, "I've never really thought that incest was real."

Kaoru snorted. Wow. It was so like Kaze to blurt out something ridiculous like that out of the blue. The guy couldn't remain serious for two seconds.

"I mean," he continued, "Okay, it's possible for cousins...you hear about it often. But I've never heard about...actual siblings loving each other. I thought they only made that up in anime and stuff. For drama, you know?"

"Well," said Kaoru, "I guess I've never heard of it either."

"Hmn...interesting..."

Kaoru shook his head.

"What -I didn't offend you did I?" said Kaze, raising his eyebrows.

"No, no. Not at all." said Kaoru, laughing.

"Well then," said Kaze, straightening up, "I have to go now."

"Okay."

As he walked away, he looked back at Kaoru -"Talk to him!" he said.

Kaoru sighed again.

* * *

It was evening and Kaoru was pacing up and down Hikaru's bedroom door. He must have been doing it for half an hour. For a minute he'd pull his guts together and touch the door handel, ready to open it, the next he'd chicken out.

He wanted to talk to Hikaru so bad. He wanted to explain everything. He'd tell him how sorry he was, how much he wanted them to be friends again.

"What am I doing? He's not going to eat me. Just do it!"

Before he had time to think it over for the millionth time, Kaoru opened the door and stepped in.

Hikaru was lying on his stomach, his heels in the air, his books before him. He was working on one particularly moronic math sum that refused to be solved when he heard the door open, and he turned to see who it was. His eyes widened.

Kaoru walked in nervously, fidgeting with his hands. "H..hi." he said, looking at Hikaru shyly through his lowered eyelids.

Hikaru was immensely surprised. He didn't know what to make of this. "Um...hi(?)"

Kaoru was relieved. Hikaru wasn't angry. He edged a little closer. As he did so, his eyes fell on an object on Hikaru's bedside table. He paused.

"Is that?..."

He walked up to it and held it in his hands.

Yes, there was no mistaking it.

"Our box of memories..."

Kaoru opened toys, pictures, envelopes, they were in there. He looked at Hikaru. "When did you take it out?"

Hikaru looked away. "Two weeks." he mumbled.

"Why didn't you show it to me?"

Hikaru shrugged.

"_We promised_..." Kaoru whispered, so softly that Hikaru didn't hear. He stood quite still and pale, a silent tear running down his face. He quickly wiped it away. "Anyway," he said, putting the box down, "I came to talk to you."

He sat at the edge of the bed and placed his hands on his knees. He thought of all the things he planned on saying and found tha he couldn't even remember most of them. "I...wanted to tell you that I am...sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I've said and done to hurt you. I just...I wish I..."

Hikaru cut him short by placing his hand on his face and turning it so he was facing him. He gazed into his eyes with a strange, grave expression. Kaoru waited for him to say something, but a long moment passed and he didn't. So he gulped and went on, "I just want us to go back to the way we were before. I want us to be friends again-"

"That's not going to happen." Hikaru said sternly. Kaoru was taken aback. It hurt. "W-why? Why would you say that?" he said, getting heated.

"Because I can't just be your friend anymore. I love you."

Kaoru was taken aback again. "I...Hikaru...no. I can't. We can't."

"Because you're with him?" Hikaru said, scowling.

"No. We're not together anymore."

"Then what's the problem?"

Kaoru turned away. Hikaru went on, "Kaoru I love you. I know I've been stupid and I know that I've hurt you, and I'm so sorry. Please, give me a chance." he clutched at Kaoru's shirt, "I love you so much. I want you. I want to be with you. I want to hold you and kiss you and spend all my time with you. Please..."

"Stop!" Kaoru said and he stood up hastily. He ran out of the room.

He was scared. He was confused. No, no, no, _no!_ He couldn't let himself get worked up like this. He couldn't. All he wanted was for them to be friends again. He'd already given up on Hikaru long ago. Things would only get more complicated this way. If they could just go back to the way they were it would be enough.

And then Kaoru thought about Kaze.

Maybe he should go back to him -tell him that he was wrong. Beg him to give him another chance. Maybe he really would forget about Hikaru. Maybe...

Kaoru halted.

What was he doing? Isn't this what he had always wanted? Sure, he'd long given up, but now he could really have Hikaru. Would he really be happy if they were just friends? No, true happiness was within his grasp now. All he had to do was reach out and take it. What did he have to loose anyway? Nothing.

He turned back and ran into the room again, standing before Hikaru and breathing heavily.

"Kaoru," Hikaru began but Kaoru shut him up by grabbing his collar and covering his mouth with his.

He kissed him like he's never kissed anyone before. He moved his lips over Hikaru's hungrily, his fingers tangled in his hair. Initially surprised, Hikaru put his arms around Kaoru and responded eargerly.

Soon, Kaoru pulled back for air, and he looked at Hikaru through his lashes, his lips moist and red. He smiled.

How could he have ever thought about giving this up?

Hikaru brushed Kaoru's cheek softly with his hand, then, smiling too, pulled him for another kiss. He felt his heart ready to explode as it beat against his chest. He longed for Kaoru. He wanted him. _He wanted him._

As they broke apart for air again, Hikaru tugged at Kaoru's shirt and looked into his eyes imploringly, trying to convey the magnitude of his desire. "Kaoru..." he whispered.

He didn't have to speak anymore. Kaoru understood, and flushing a deeply, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it away.

The next moment, the two of them were a tangled mass of heated skin. Through their ardent kisses, they attempted to dispose of their clothing items, taking forever since they scarcely managed to stay apart for two seconds.

Finally, the task was done. Kaoru lay beneath Hikaru, his eyes dark with want, his chest heaving. Hikaru showered it with hot open mouth kisses. His hands roamed over his torso, going lower and lower, til they reached the place where Kaoru most longed to be touched.

"Hikaru." he moaned, "M-more...with you mouth."

Hikaru complied.

Soon Kaoru was panting heavily, his stomach sticky.

He held out his arms and caught Hikaru's face in his hands. He looked into his eyes for a long moment, savoured every small detail, from their gentle soft glow, to the way the light fell on them.

"I love you." he said, "I love you so much."

He sat up in bed and put his arms around Hikaru, holding him tight. "Say you love me." he whispered in his ear.

"I love you." Hikaru said, and he caught his lips in another firey kiss.

* * *

**Next Chapter will be the last, yay! I know I've kept you waiting for long guys. I'm so sorry. I feel like this chapter is crap though...oh well. I hope you liked at least the last part? *wriggles eyebrows***

**Haha! **


	15. Chapter 15: Pink & Blue

That night, Hikaru and Kaoru lay cuddled together, not saying much, just content with each other's warmth and presence.

"Let's never fight again." said Hikaru, nuzzling Kaoru's neck, then planting a kiss on it.

"Mhm" was all Kaoru could mumble as he sleepily took hold of Hikaru's hand and intwined their fingers.

He soon drifted to sleep.

It's been long since he dreamt such dreams. And when he woke up in the morning, and felt Hikaru's arms around him, a smile spread on his lips, and he felt happier than he did in his entire life.

It was still early, and Hikaru was sleeping peacfully. Kaoru leaned in, kisssed his cheek, then got out of bed.

He showered, brushed his teeth and put on some fresh clothes. Then he went back into th bedroom and sat beside his sleeping brother. His eyes fell on the box of memories on the bedside table, and he remembered that he didn't read his letter. Eagerly he reached out for it and opened it. It said:

Dearest Kaoru

Look, I suck at writing letters, so I'm just going to get to the point of it, okay? I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. When I get mad, I know I say mean things but I don't mean them at all. I love you very much. You are the best brother ever! It sucks when we're not talking. I'm sure I miss you alot. So talk to me, okay?

-Love

Hikaru

As Kaoru read the letter, his smile widened more, if even possible. He pressed it to his heart, then folded it and put it in his pocket. Right then and there, he decided that he was going to treasure this piece of paper till the end of forever.

Presently, Hikaru began to stir awake. He yawned quite loudly, then looked up at Kaoru with sleepy eyes. "Goo'morning." he said, smiling.

"Good morning."

Hikaru stretched, then sat up. "Where's my morning kiss?"

Kaoru laughed. "You don't get one. You have morning breath."

Hikaru pouted, and Kaoru laughed again. "Here, don't cry," and he gave Hikaru's lips a long, warm kiss.

Hikaru's insides must have melted. He blushed madly and smiled like the biggest dork. Kaoru fondly smiled back.

* * *

The next weeks that followed were absolute bliss. It was insane how quickly the time seemed to fly. Hikaru and Kaoru made up for all the time they spent fighting: the went on dates and did silly romantic things, and kissed and cuddled, and oh! Kaoru woke up every morning, fearing it had all been a magical dream, only to find Hikaru lying there beside him, and he was so happy he could barely speak. And everyday, as he grew more and more accustomed to this being his reality, the three miserable months he'd spent without Hikaru seemd so long ago, like a distant nightmare one pushes to the back of one's nind.

One lovely night (all nights were lovely now, really) Kaoru stood at the open window of their bedroom watching the thin silver threads of rain that fell from the sky, and felt the cool wind on his face, and he smiled. He turned around and looked at Hikaru who was sitting on the bed, reading some silly looking book. 'Another tragic romance?' thought Kaoru, 'He's getting quite fond of them, isn't he?'

It was true. At first, Hikaru read them because he thought they would make him feel better -which they didn't- but now he actually liked them, strangely. He had an expression on his face as he bent over the book that Kaoru couldn't find any other word to describe than adorable. Kaoru walked towards the bed, an idea forming in his head, a smirk on his lips. He knelt before Hikaru and snatched the book from his hand.

"Hey!" exclaimed Hikaru, looking up. Kaoru's smirking lips came down upon his, and he found himself getting pushed on his back. In a moment, the two of them were making out heavily, Kaoru straddling Hikaru's hips.

"Hikaru," Kaoru whispered hotly into Hikaru's ear, "I'll do it tonight." and then he groped Hikaru in a place that made him moan quite loudly. His face went really red, and he bit his lip, trying to stop himself from making more embarrassing noises.

He didn't succeed.

"Mn...ah! K-Kaoru..."

Kaoru was quite delighed at this reversal of roles, and made sure to pay Hikaru back for always getting him so flustered. He thoroughly enjoyed the sight of him, flushed and writhing beneath him. He now clasped his hand over his mouth, but Kaoru removed it and said, "I want to hear you." teasingly.

"M-meanie!" complained Hikaru, making Kaoru laugh. "As if you never bully me like this," he said, nibbling Hikaru's ear.

Hikaru's chest was still heaving as he lay with his eyes closed next to Kaoru who was propped on his elbows, stroking his hair. "Are you okay?" Kaoru whispered, softly. Hikaru opened his eyes. "That was amazing." he said.

Kaoru smiled,"Really?"

"Mhm," said Hikaru, reaching out for his face, and stroking his hair in turn.

It really was. The sensation, quite new to him, the weigh of Kaoru over him, and his warmth were so...strange. It hurt, but it felt so good, so...Hikaru couldn't describe it. He simply lifted his head and kissed Kaoru's nose.

Kaoru grinned and said, "Now you're mine, just like I'm yours."

* * *

Winter had arrived, and the weather became quite chilly.

It must've been 3 weeks before Christmas when Hikaru saw Kaoru talking to Kaze in school from a distance. And then the two of them walked away towards a secluded area. Hikaru stared. He never liked that boy Kaze, and he never would.

When he and Kaoru got together, he noticed that Kaoru rarely talked to him as much as before. Oh course, this made him happy. But when Kaoru did talk to him, Hikaru's stomach clenched, and he felt possesed by an urge to break something. Just the way the creep looked at Kaoru was sickening! It was obvious he wasn't over him yet.

And now they were heading for a deserted corridor.

Alone.

Together...

'No,' Hikaru told himself, 'nothing to be upset about.'

He tapped his fingers on his knees and looked away. He started humming. 'No...nothing to be upset about..'

The next moment, he was slinking like Golumn, following the two quietly. They turned a corner, and he stuck to the wall, and craned his neck. He could hear them talking.

Kaze said something Hikaru couldn't make out, and then Kaoru replied.

"I miss you too."

Wait. Wait, wait! Did he just hear that right? Did Kaoru really say that?

"It was so much fun spending time with you..."

Hikaru's heat sank. What was happening here? Was Kaoru planning on getting back with Kaze? Did these past weeks mean absolutely nothing to him? Did he just realise that being with Hikaru was a big mistake? Or is it that he never really forgave him to begin with and that it was all a plan to get revenge and break his heart?

Many thoughts ran inside Hikaru's mind, each worse than the last.

"But I can only think of you as a friend Kaze..." Hikaru's ear became pert like a cat's and he listened intently and Kaoru went on, "I think...I never really loved you. At least, not in that way. I'm so sorry Kaze. I wish I could make it better..."

Hikaru was so overjoyed he could have screamed. Oh, if only he could see the creep's face as Kaoru told him these words. He snickered gleefully and went back to class.

When they reached home, he gave Kaoru a kiss on the cheek and said, "I'm sorry."

Kaoru looked surprised. "What for?"

'For doubting you." thought Hikaru, but he said nothing. He shrugged his shoulders and ran upstairs.

Kaoru was rather distracted that evening. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened in school. Kaze came up to him and told him that he had to tell him something.

"It's no use." he'd said, "I can't forget you Kaoru. It's driving me crazy I...I miss you so much..."

The look on his face was so desperate, it made Kaoru feel so guilty. He told him the truth, that he did miss him too, only not in that way. Kaze looked crestfallen. "I'm sorry Kaze," he said, "I wish I could make it better."

But he knew that he couldn't, so he patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

The next week, the homeroom teacher walked into the classroom one morning and announced to the class that Sakurada Kaze had left the school. The girls wailed, the boys sneered, and Kaoru bit his lip.

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

That evening Kaoru recieved a text message on his phone.

"I will never forget you."

He couldn't help but smile. "Oh Kaze," he sighed, "I won't forget you either...I wish you could have said goodbye. But, oh well. I suppose it's for the best"

* * *

Kaoru noticed that Hikaru had been acting weird for a while. He seemed to be busy doing something, and Kaoru knew he was hiding a secret. He looked exhausted every morning, like he'd been up all night. But no matter how many time he asked him, Hikaru refused to speak.

One weekend, he walked into the bedroom, and Hikaru's eyes went wide, and he shoved something behind his back. Kaoru blinked. "What is that?" he asked, jumping on the bed, trying to get a look.

"Nothing!" cried Hikaru.

"It isn't nothing. You were knitting!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!" and Kaoru finally managed to pull the thing away.

It was a scarf, pink and blue, halfway done, with threads of wool dangling. Kaoru looked at Hikaru, puzzled. "You like knitting? Why didn't you tell me? There's nothing to be embarrass-"

"No!" Hiakru looked angry for a second, then his face went red and he turned away. "I wanted to make something for you for Christmas, okay? I don't like doing it. And you know what?" Hikaru grabbed the scarf and tugged at it, "I don't like this either. It's stupid and ugly and..."

He began to cry.

"Hikaru..." said Kaoru, surprised that Hikaru had gotten so upset. He felt so happy. Hikaru wanted to make him something. Something special. "It's not ugly."

"Yes it is."

"It's perfect."

"You're just saying that."

"No," and Kaoru lifted Hikaru's chin softly and looked him right in the eye. "It's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done to me, and it's perfect."

Hikaru sniffed. "I'll just buy you another one."

"No, I want this one. Promise me you'll finish it."

Hikaru looked away.

"Promise me."

"Okay..." he mumbled.

"Good." said Kaoru, and he gave him a kiss.

* * *

Christmas morning was quite lovely, because they lay in bed for a long time, cuddling sweetly.

The afternoon was quite lovely because they went out and had lunch together and it was tasty.

The evening was was also quite lovely, because they went ice skating and it was so much fun.

But best of all was when they went back home, and Kaoru sat on the bed, his eyes glowing expectantly. Hikaru rolled his eyes. He opened a drawer reluctantly, and picked up a gift, wrapped in green paper. "Here's your present" he said gruffly, and he shoved it at Kaoru.

Kaoru acted like he was surprised. "You got me a present? I wonder what it could be.", and he opened it in a hurry. Sure enough, he found the scarf, completed this time. He beamed. True, it wasn't the best scarf. It did look a little frumpy. But he loved it more than he loved anything anyone's ever given him, and it was quite beautiful in his eyes. He wound it around his neck, and looked up at Hikaru. "Thank you. I love it!"

Hikaru looked a bit upset.

"Really!" Kaoru, reassured him. He sat beside Kaoru, and looked into his eyes. "Really." said Kaoru again, and this time Hikaru believed him. He smiled. "I wish..." he began, "I wish I could show you how much I really love you."

Kaoru took hold of his hand and said, "You already did..."

That night as they made love, Kaoru's back pressed against the headboard, he wrapped his arms around Hikaru's neck and watched him through his half-lidded eyes. His eyes were closed, and his mouth slightly open. Everytime he made a forward thrust, a moan escaped through his lips, and his face became more flushed.

Kaoru leaned forward and pressed his lips to his parted ones. They kissed messily, their teeth clattering.

"Mn -faster!" Kaoru gasped.

Hikaru quickened his pace. The two of them moaned, and panted, and held each other tightly. Kaoru threw his head back and shut his eyes. His entire body convulsed, and with a loud moan, it was over.

Hikaru rested his damp forehead against Kaoru's neck, and breathed heavily. Kaoru pressed a kiss to his head. He held his hand to Hikaru's chest, and felt his heart thumping wildly against it. "I love you." Hiakru sighed. In that moment, Kaoru truly felt the happiest, and he believed that Hikaru was too. He smiled softly, and whispered that he loved him back.

**THE END**

* * *

**Hey guys. It's finally over! **  
**Thank you so much for sticking with me to the end. I love you! **  
**I really hope you liked it.**  
**T^T**


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